Tripping through poppy fields

The first day of the rest of our lives

2009-11-14T06:37:00.002+08:00

Today I wake up a Miss. Tonight I go to bed a Mrs.

Location: Home
Current Condition: Excited
Music: Wedding bells

Stoneless fairy ain't stoneless no more...

2009-09-03T20:47:00.006+08:00

I had some reservations about writing this post. This is something between us which is so special and so precious that I didn’t quite want to share it with just anyone. But then again, as the days went by, I found that the minute details and my emotions were also getting hazier and after some internal struggle, I decided that I would do this post, just to keep for posterity.

Our 3rd year anniversary was approaching and Andrew told me that he had dinner planned. This in itself was unusual cos Andrew is completely not a planner and it takes a bit of nagging from me to get him off his arse and plan an evening out.

Plus we always end up at the same place so when he said that he searched the internet for a nice place and it’s somewhere we have never been to before, my heart skipped a beat. I knew that he’d already bought the ring but he kept insisting that he wasn’t going to propose so early and especially not on obvious occasions like Valentine’s Day or our anniversary.

And so the story goes…

The night before the big date, he drops me off home and tells me that jeans and a nice top would suffice for the next evening.

The next morning, I dress with extra care, taking time to choose my clothes and makeup. I’m still hoping deep down that it might be THE DAY. But then I speak to my mum before leaving the house and she seems completely normal and I figure if anyone would know before me, it would be her. So hopes dashed, I leave for work, trying to cheer myself up with the prospect for a good dinner if nothing else.

We meet up after work, running a little later than schedule as always. He still won’t tell me where we are going and I’m getting disconcerted with the fact that all my guesses are wrong. We turn into the Bugis area and then down Arab Street where we finally park at Golden Landmark.

*Knocked back for six* -- What the hell were we doing here?!!!!

He turns to me with a huge grin and says, “We are going for Thai steamboat and then to the Thai disco for drinks. Since you say I’m always so predictable, I decided to plan something totally different.”

I get a bit worried here but since he is sweet enough to go to such extremes (and I do mean EXTREMES) to plan something different, I decide to gather up my enthusiasm and embrace the evening.

We get off on the first floor cos Andrew wants to have a smoke before dinner. Halfway through, he turns to me and says seriously, “I’m not proposing to you tonight. I just want to let you know in case this is something you are expecting. I told you I won’t do it on such an obvious occasion and that still stands.”

Flummoxed, I start patting his pockets but all I’m groping are his car keys, wallet and Blackberry. No square ring box. Hmph!

“Fine, fine,” I mutter a bit peevish now because my hopes are 100% dashed. “But then are we really eating steamboat?”

He laughs and points across the street to a pretty canopied restaurant called Mietta. “I read about this place in HungryGoWhere,” he says earnestly.

Dinner is great; we order our favourites from the menu with a glass of wine to share since he is driving. The restaurant manager comes up several times to ask us for feedback but I assumed that it was because they are fairly new. In between the main course and dessert, Andrew decides to go out for a smoke and I join him outside. The manager comes out and talks to us for a bit, telling us about the restaurant and stuff. Then he mentions that there is an upper level which they have developed into a cosy coffee lounge. The area is not yet opened to public but seeing that we were the only patrons left in the restaurant, he offers us let us view the place and have dessert and coffee up there. Andrew seems enthusiastic about the idea so we take up the offer. I tell them that I need to visit the loo first and Andrew says that he will head on up and meet me upstairs, which is a bit strange cos he always waits for me especially when my creaky knees and stairs have to make contact.

I’m done and head upstairs where Andrew is draped over a sofa in the corner. Our tiramisu and coffee are already there and I flop down beside him. It seems a little strange that one of the waitresses is at the bar and she has the music turned on but I shrug it off, thinking that they just wanted to us give the full atmosphere.

So all the songs that come on are love songs and I start playing “Guess who sang this” with Andrew who fails every single track dismally.

Then he turns to me with a serious expression and says that after 3 years together, he has done some reflection on our time together and wants to share some things with me. So he starts talking about us meeting and getting together, and how he recognizes the things he does to make me upset, and how he is not initiative or romantic enough and he apologises for all these.

And I sitting there and thinking to myself, why are we talking about this on a supposedly romantic night? But then I feel bad that he is being so earnest in righting the wrongs so I start sharing how I feel and the things I’m sorry for.

But I keep getting the feeling that he isn’t really listening to me and he keeps trying to cut into my monologue. So I shut it and he takes over the conversation again.

He asks me if I remember how I used to write notes for him when we first met. Little notes on scraps of paper which I would hide in his wallet and jacket pocket so that he would be pleasantly surprised when he found them. And he says that we have both stopped doing these sweet things after a while, which was OK because we are more comfortable with each other and busy with work and stuff but he thought that this time round, he would write a little note to me just for old time’s sake.

He takes his wallet from his pocket and I’m actually really touched because I didn’t think he could remember these little gestures and actually reciprocate.

He is rummaging through his wallet a little more frantically now and says, “I don’t believe I didn’t bring it. I think I can’t see it cos its too dark.”

He stands up as if to get more light, draws out something which is definitely not a card from his wallet and suddenly gets down on his knees in the tiny space between sofa and coffee table.

He looks at me with so much love and excitement in his eyes and he says these exact words,

“I love you very very much. I promise to love you and only you for the rest of my life. I hope you'd want to spend the rest of your life with me. Will you marry me?”

I look down at this wonderful man on his knees, looking so uncomfortably squashed but so earnest and sincere and I am caught between crying and laughing. Crying because I am so touched and laughing because he is and always will be so adorable.

But I laugh instead and he laughs with me, and this I will always remember because laughter is one of the foundations of our relationship.

And I finally say yes and I try to pull him up but he refuses to get up until I say yes without laughing and I finally do and we laugh again. He makes to put the ring on my finger, stops and asks, “Which finger ah?” which gets us giggling uncontrollably again.

The ring eventually goes on the right finger and it is possibly the most beautiful thing he has ever given me. When we went scouting for rings, I saw one with a twisted crown and I told him that I really liked that. So he fashioned a ring matching my entire wishlist:

- Twisted crown
- 6 prongs
- Thick band
- Not yellow gold

The waitress (I now understand her role in all of this) comes over to congratulates us and takes some photos of the “sweet newly engaged couple” (her words not ours).

We spend some time messaging family and friends and I realize that my parents are completely in the loop since he went over a few nights ago to ask for my hand in marriage. Too incredibly traditional and so sweet.

As we head on home, he tells me everything:

- He got my friends to organize a dinner so that I would be distracted when he went over to my place to ask my parents for permission

- He called up the restaurant and told them that he was planning a proposal and the manager offered the lounge upstairs

- He had this whole speech planned out and memorized but then I threw him off when I cut in with my monologue (he didn’t anticipate that I would feel like I needed to say my piece and apologise for my bits of wrongs too.. )

- And that got him a bit anxious cos he didn’t know how to pick up his speech train after I was done (or if I ever was going to be done – such a rude boy!)

- He planned exactly which song to ask me THE QUESTION but of course since I gabbled and gabbled, we completely missed the song and he ended up asking me to marry him with Jeremy Jordan singing “Right Kind of Love” in the background. Which was cheesy and unplanned but still apt as I told him.

So this is our story, captured in essence and immortalized for when we are old and grey, to look back on and share a laugh and a kiss and a special smile.

Sorry for the delay

2009-02-14T11:36:00.004+08:00

I know I haven't been keeping up my end of the bargain. It was initially due to the change in career and then Gossip Girl Season 1.

But anyway while I wait for S to produce Season 2, I figured I should make an entry of sorts.

So... life is good. Work is stressful but when is work ever a breeze and most importantly, I'm actually happy despite everything!

Now if only losing weight could be as easy!

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!

Location: BF's house
Current Condition: blissful
Music: None

Is there such a thing as too much alcohol?

2008-11-16T02:39:00.002+08:00

Tonight the FILs had a community drinks party and BF and I were invited to go along. FBIL left early but BF and I stayed on to hog the free bar and make the most of the S$10 entrance fee we each were charged.

While I would say BF was def more embarrassing than me, sprouting nonsense at the end of the party and acting a la Merlion the minute we got home, I must say that 7 drinks got me sufficiently talkative and FMIL and I had a good time to catch up and have a heart to heart conversation about life, marriage, friends etc.

It was great but I can't help but cringe and wonder if I did anything out of character or embarrassing. All the time as we were walking home, I was reciting one mantra in my head, "Walk in a straight line. Walk in a straight line."

However, methinks if I can type this out with no gross grammatical or spelling mistakes, then I shouldn't have much to worry about. Dear readers, please let me know!

P.S. Bartender was a really nice and friendly chap so if anyone out there is looking for a freelance one for a party, let me know!

Location: BF's house
Current Condition: talkative
Music: none

Singing in the Rain

2008-11-09T10:24:00.006+08:00

It's been such a long time since I lasted posted and so many things have happened.

There's just not enough time to go through everything but in a nutshell (*takes a deep breath*): Left my previous job, started a new chapter of my life, managed to squeeze in a short trip to KL and made some invaluable friendships, had some experiences with love life family and friends and possibly have become a stronger better person, lost some weight and possibly put it on back again, friends have returned and some making plans to leave, started watching 3-hr Hindi films and bonded more with mum, in a blink of the eye, my dad's due home again which is great news. (*Exhales*)

I guess what I feel right now is that no matter how bad the storm is, things will always get better. Life is getting exciting right now and I'm really happy career-wise. Looking back and comparing, I would say good experiences some good memories but shit am I glad to be out of that!

So all in all, I would say that other than some niggling worries, life is great! Thank you Jesus!

Note to Stinging Satire: Hang in there girl. Lots of love and we'll catch up next week!

Location: the BF's house
Current Condition: happy
Music: singing in the rain

Picassos at Work

2008-10-02T13:40:00.005+08:00

It was a Hari Raya Picasso holiday and a bunch of amateurs got together to wield paint brushes and roller sponges. The foreman was pretty strict and kept everyone on the ball so the job was completed in less than 6 hours, fortified by heaps of isotonic drinks, Coke and chicken rice.

Code words for entry were "lilywhite" and "zigzag". Other common phrases heard during the day were "You missed a spot!", "No, I didn't!" and "Yes you soooo did. I'm going over it once again!".

Most loving phrase of the day went something like, "You don't look very stable on that chair. Be careful cos if you fall backwards, you may land on the paint tray and splash paint on the floor. Oh yeah, and you'll hurt your head."

Most comical conversation of the day was:

Speaker #1: "Your bf can really perch."

Speaker #2: "Yeah, weird." pause "And yours has a wedgie."

Everyone has the most amazing battle-scars after but it was worth every single drop of sweat.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: sleepy
Music: hillsongs

The Not-So Naked Chef

2008-09-24T15:43:00.004+08:00

I haven't cooked since Brisbane but since the parents were away, I offered to make a home-cooked meal for the Boyfriend last evening at my place. I was a little nervous about the whole thing, especially after a 4-year hiatus so I made sure that the Bismac and Lomotil pills were on-hand in case of emergencies.

The verdict? The Boyfriend gave his thumbs-up; his only complaint was that the sugar peas were a bit overcooked but I can live with that.

It was fun though, playing house together. Shopping for groceries made the whole experience more real. My only gripe was the Boyfriend's penchant for expensive wines. His selected bottle of red cost more than the ingredients + water & electricity bill. No supermarket plonk for this guy.

Mission accomplished - the Boyfriend was more relaxed last evening than I have seen him for the past couple of months. Determined to pamper him, I did the cooking, dishing up and cleaning after while he killed alien creatures on his laptop with his precious bottle of wine next to him.

We have both been stressed out at work recently and nit-picking at each other; basically just a train-wreck waiting to happen so last evening was a good "make up" session for both of us. We were full of sweetness to each other and it kinda brought me back to the days of before when it was just us against the world. (Note to self: stop taking BF for granted and pamper him more)

He was still smiling as we snuggled down for the night in our jim-jams and he turned to me and said, "Thank you for such a wonderful evening and for being so sweet and making me feel so pampered."

Then just before he flipped open the newspapers, he added, "But please don't turn back into monster girl tomorrow morning if I can't wake up on time."

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: lazy
Music: none

Familia

2008-09-23T13:38:00.003+08:00

Yesterday was Dad' birthday and our traditional family dinner took a twist when the parents invited the FILs for a particularly elaborate 8-course dinner. (Yes, obviously still in "we have to impress each other" mode)

Although we had done the initial meet-up session already, the Boyfriend and I were still a little bit nervous over last night's meeting. Our dads, being men, are fine but my mum has a fussy, sensitive streak while his mum is a rare combination of sensitive and a tad bit tactless.

Surprisingly though, dinner went off without a hitch and as the evening progressed, it became clearer that the two of us weren't needed for the conversation to flow. Amidst the copious amount of beer and stout consumed, the two sets of parents loosened up more than during the initial meeting and got along pretty well.

Back home, the Boyfriend and I compared notes and concluded with relief that, indeed our parents could be friends with one another. I'm really glad that we took the route of letting them get to know each other first before any marriage plans. In future, when the asinine matters of which grandfather to name our first-born son after or which set of parents gets to live with us while the other set gets sent off to a nursing home crops up, at least they have some foundation of friendship to fall back on.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: sleepy
Music: hillsongs

Sunsets & Goodbyes

2008-09-22T12:20:00.003+08:00

Last week was my final work trip to Jakarta and a good chance to say goodbye to the wonderful friendships I have made.

It was difficult and sad to know that as much as we tell each other to keep in touch, distance will sooner or later come in between. One week without contact turns into one month and before long, too much time has passed to pick up the phone or send a mail to say hello.

To my dearest friends, Erwin, Pohan, Anto - work was always so much easier when you guys were around with your funny emails, lame jokes and unwavering friendship.

Last evening, I went to church to pray for the door which is closing behind me and the new one opening ahead of me, and strangely bumped into the past again - a older couple I used to know from a long time back. I hesitated to say hi initially as memories came flooding back. The love I had loved, the tears I had cried and the heartache which I thought I would never recover from. Then the Boyfriend squeezed my hand and gave me a sweet tender smile and I realised that I have the present to live in and the future to look forward to.

So I said hi and it was a bittersweet moment cos they seemed happy that I stopped and yet for a moment there, we were all reminded of the pain we felt when the relationship ended. They asked what I was doing there and I told them I was with my boyfriend and some friends. Then she asked, "Are you happy now?" and I looked over at the Boyfriend surrounded by his brother and friends at the doorway, his head was bobbing up and down amidst the sea of people presumably looking for me.

"Yes I am," I said smiling. And they smiled back and she squeezed my hand and whispered, "Good for you."

I rejoined the Boyfriend and he asked, as he took my hand, "Who's that?" and I said with a small smile, "Just someone from a long time ago."

Sunsets and goodbyes. But tomorrow a new sun rises and a new day begins. That's the reason why we get out of bed in the morning.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: nostalgic
Music: simon & garfunkle

And now I am addicted...

2008-09-15T17:51:00.002+08:00

10 Years ago I was:
In JC, wishing my A levels were over

5 years ago I was:
In Brisbane, playing/eating/loving too much while freaking out over my final year papers

1 year ago I was:
Lost and confused over my career

5 Things on my To-Do-list:
1) Settle my documents for my business trip
2) Start an exercise regime and lose weight
3) Make an appointment for health screening
4) Plan Dad’s birthday dinner next weekend
5) Clean the car

Five Snacks I enjoy:
1) Muji’s Red Bean Pancakes
2) Cadbury’s Fruit & Nut Mini-Bars
3) Haagen-Daaz Macadamia Nut Ice-cream
4) Arnotts’ Hundred & Thousands Biscuit
5) M&S Percy Pigs

If I were a Billionaire I would:
Donate to charity / church, pay my parents back for the cost of raising me, start a trust fund for my brother, invest, have a glorious wedding

Five people/groups I'd want to have lunch with:
1) My parents
2) The Boyfriend
3) The future in-laws
4) The Ninjas
5) EG mates

Five Places I've lived:
1) Singapore – Toa Payoh (with my gramps)
2) Singapore – Tampines
3) Singapore – Woodlands
4) Brisbane, Australia
5) My old office

Five jobs I've had:
1) Relief teacher
2) Part-time sales asst @ Guess
3) Tuition teacher
4) Events Intern/Manager/Director
5) Trade Marketing Manager

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: addicted to meme
Music: inxs

Virgin Meme

2008-09-15T16:56:00.002+08:00

Because it looks interesting and I’m bored out of my skull.

10 Favorites
Favorite season: Winter
Favorite color: Pink, red, purple
Favorite time: Sunrise
Favorite food: Baked potato with sour cream, chives and bacon bits
Favorite drink: Mojito
Favorite ice cream: Haagen-Daaz Macadamia Nut
Favorite place: In front of the TV
Favorite sport: Not really into sports
Favorite actor: Johnny Depp
Favorite actress: Nicole Kidman

Currents
Current feeling: Sleepy
Current drink: Hot green tea
Current time: 4.40pm
Current show on TV: None
Current mobile used: Samsung… something
Current windows open: Microsoft Outlook, Facebook
Current underwear: M&S
Current clothes: Black skinny pants & turtle-neck top from H&M
Current thought: Can I squeeze out a trip to HK in Oct to visit H&M again?

8 Firsts
First nickname: NLP (it’s a long story, don’t ask)
First kiss: Oh gosh, I can’t remember
First crush: Leonard from Cathechism class
First best friend: Audrey from Primary 1
First vehicle I drove: Y’s vintage Volvo
First job: Events Intern (after Uni)
First date: Hilarious, we went to a fair and spend most of the day avoiding eye contact
First pet: Ginger the cat

7 Lasts
Last drink: Hot green tea
Last kiss: Last night, in the car
Last meal: Swissbake’s Chocolate Roll
Last website visited: Facebook
Last movie watched: Dark Knight (cinema), Prince of Caspian (plane)
Last phone call: To Drew
Last TV Show watched: Desperate Housewives Season 3 Marathon

6 Have you evers
Have you ever broken the law: Yes
Have you ever been drunk: Yes
Have you ever kissed someone you didn’t know: Yes on the cheek, as a dare for $60
Have you ever been close to gun fire: No
Have you ever skinny dipped: No
Have you ever broken anyones heart: Yes

5 Things
5 things you can hear right now: Jarring dialing tone, Hong on the phone, shuffling of papers, boss losing his cool in his room
5 things on your bed: 2 x pillows, 1 x duvet, 1 x bolster, 1 x Strawberry Shortcake cushion
5 things you ate today: Chocolate roll, jam doughnut, thats all
5 things you can’t live without: God, My family, Drew, my ninjas, my handphone
5 things you do when you get bored: Eat, play games on my phone, shop, talk rubbish to anyone who is around me, s….

4
Places you have been today: Home, taxi, office, Tangs, Lucky Plaza

3
Things on your desk right now: Laptop, water bottle, calculator

2
Choices Black or White: White
Hot or Cold: Hot

1
Place you want to visit: Pancake Parlour in Queen Street Mall

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: bored
Music: none

For Mature Viewers Only

2008-09-15T14:49:00.006+08:00

Still no photos of HK cos I'm in the office right now and this time I have my cable but no camera... pooey!

But on to more serious stuff...

We have a really close couple-friend who are our dearest and bestest; the world's loveliest couple and it's always great to spend time with them cos we always know we are in for a no-pressure, no-competition evening. We have been talking about house-hunting for ages, comparing notes, and pumping each other for information, etc.

Recently, the couple-who-must-not-be-named surprised us after dinner by bringing us to their newly bought apartment!!! Their new place is really cosy and has a gorgeous view. Plus, it has the advantage of being surrounded by quiet scenery and yet still accessible to the main road via a side gate.

The BF and I spent like 30mins oh-aah-ing over the place and we took loads of pictures which I can't post up, of course. Then BF said, "I am so envious of you guys, but in a good way cos I'm now even more inspired than ever to start my house-hunting for real."

While we are really happy for the couple-who-must-not-be-named for finding their dream place, it was a wake-up call for BF and me to get off our asses and start doing something towards procuring a place of our own. The reality of growing up seems to be closing in on us with so many recent engagements and friends signing away their CPF to home loans.

The couple-who-must-not-be-named was really sweet in sharing their house-hunting experiences and tips, and even the costs involved. But I can't help freaking out a little cos it's really time to make all these big, huge-sums-of-money-involving decisions and I'm beginning to feel like I'm lagging behind and a little stupid for not knowing how much I want to pay for how many psf, how the market is doing, which banks to go to for the best home-loans, etc.

Grrrr...

Thank goodness for the couple-who-must-not-be-named who quite frankly told us over beer and buffalo wings, "You know, we bought this place cos we love it. But after this, we have no idea what we really want to do."

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: sleepy
Music: none

Hong Kong and me

2008-09-13T13:10:00.003+08:00

Back from Hong Kong and while it wasn't the best vacation ever since BF was working most of the time, it was good to just get away from work, watch bad daytime TV and spend some monopoly money.

3 days is not enough for shopping in Hong Kong though! On Sharon's advice we went to check out Rise at Grandville Road. It was surprisingly expensive and most of the clothes were obviously made for petite girls (we saw so many Joey-s in the building itself)! It was a Sunday so not all the shops were opened so that trip was a bit of a disappointment.

Sunday night was really really good, probably the highlight of the trip. We met Su for dinner at Yung Kee and had a really good time catching up over a bottle of wine at The Peak Bar. It was so good to see Su again after so long and have a such fabulous conversation. Plus, the setting was just amazing; walk through an alley, climb some never-ending stairs and you reach back in time to small quaint shops and little eating places. Soho is really an amazing road to just walk along on a weekend morning and have brunch. Move over Siglap, you have been replaced! :)

Monday was great cos of:

BF was initially reluctant for me to head down to Mongkok by myself cos the last time he left me there, I ended with up two baskets of clothes. But I promised to limit myself to only HK$1,000.00 and finally he left for work. Ok, ok, the bill came up to HK$1,200.00 but he was none the wiser and anyway, I forced myself to remove at least 3 items from my basket before I went to the check-out counter. You have no idea how painful that was for me, sweetie!

I was really hoping against hope that we could extend to Wednesday so that BF and I could have a really nice dinner together on Tuesday night but he had to get back to work and so we flew back with me sulking on Tuesday evening.

Good news is, if all the schedules work out, the couples Subes and Drou might have a joint vacation in Hong Kong come October! Yay!!

Pictures in next post (don't have my camera cable with me right now!)...

Location: BF's house
Current Condition: sleepy
Music: none

A man's best friend

2008-09-05T17:28:00.003+08:00

Went over to my cousin’s place for dinner and a chat last evening. It was the first time I have been over since she moved in and was surprised to see how domesticated she has become.

Her two dogs are so incredibly cute. Stoli is a 6-month old Jack Russell terrier and Chus is a 6-year old cocker spaniel. When I got there, Chus was being punished for eating an entire plate of sardines off the table. Which is pretty unbelievable cos Chus has like the sweetest temperament I have ever seen in a dog. He took his punishment like a man-dog, without a single whine or growl the entire night. He just looked at us with his huge brown sad puppy eyes; completely melted my heart. Unfortunately he also kinda stank of sardines so I didn’t wanna get too near.

On the other hand, Stoli is such a ruffian. She spent the entire night jumping up on us, gnawing on her basin and pawing Chus through the gate he was locked up in.

We wanted to let Chus out for a bit but Stoli immediately jumped on him and tried to bite his ears, and it got a little rough and heavy so we had to separate them and Chus slinked back (rather thankfully, I suspect) to his naughty corner once again.

Seeing Stoli so alert and hyperactive made me think about poor Sparky and how old age has taken a toll on him. Without free run of the house, he has become rather senile and slow, forgetting all commands he used to recognize in his youth. I wish that FBIL would spend more time with him and be more responsible in taking care of Sparky. Sometimes I get really angry when I see how disinterested and uninvolved he has become but it’s not my place to say anything. Having a pet automatically transforms you into a parent and it really irks me to see his boh chap attitude towards Sparky. I can only do so much; it’s not as though I live there and can take care of Sparky on a daily basis.

I just wished everyone would stop making excuses for FBIL and wake him up to the realities of life. Either that, or give Sparky away to someone who will really love and cherish him.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: frustrated
Music: duffy

One year older

2008-09-03T23:37:00.005+08:00

Do you find that the older you get, the more you just want to spend your birthday in a quiet way, with people who really mean something in your life? The number of presents you get to unwrap or how many times you get to blow candles out on a birthday cake doesn't really matter anymore.

I re-read the posts on last year's celebrations and while I wouldn't go back in time and change anything, I have to say that this year was quieter and just as significant.

We had a late night KTV session with the Ninjas last Friday and everyone was still sober enough at 5am to drive home. Saturday dinner was for my folks and Sunday was for his folks. Tuesday after work, we just had a nice quiet dinner at Kuriya and ice-cream to follow and today, we had a simple zhi char meal with a surprise (for him) appearance by his best friend&new-family.

Now we sit side by side, with 30mins left to his birthday and he is busy killing alien creatures on his computer, swigging his beer in between and I am typing this out for posterity. I feel complete. One year older, one year wiser and more wonderful years ahead.

Thank you God for all the many blessings you have showered upon us and for giving me the gift of an angel's love.

Happy Birthday sweetheart. I hope I made it just as special for you, as you did for me.

Location: bf's place
Current Condition: contented
Music: none

Exercise, don't elude me

2008-09-02T13:20:00.004+08:00

I had a really bad run last night. Maybe it was the cold weather or the fact that the masseur really gave it to my broken and battered feet before dinner or that all my sports bras were in the wash and my boobs were all over the place nearly taking out an eye, but it was a demoralising turn on the asphalt.

My right calf was cramping up 10 minutes into the run and I almost lost my balance a couple of times when my dodgy knee threatened to give out. I was breathless trying to keep it all together and I finally gave up after 20 mins and brisk-walked for the rest of the route.

I'm usually very thorough with the warm-ups and I walk at least 10 minutes before I start running so I think it's my dodgy knee acting up again. I woke up aching this morning and had to give in and fit the knee brace on, which shows up badly under my work-pants.

Man, it's tough trying to stay healthy.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: achy
Music: 你最珍貴

Life's little accidents

2008-08-27T14:11:00.008+08:00

I don't know if many of us recall that episode in Sex and The City when Carrie is mortified after farting in bed next to Mr. Big. Well, I just upped the ante and farted in the lift.

It really was an accident. My tummy felt weird, like it was full of gas while I was getting the lift down from the office and I was just stoning when two puffs of air suddenly just escaped, like "poot poot". (Note to reader: it was not smelly!!) The lift walls are mirrored so you could just see everyone's shocked reaction and then some mental games of "who did that? shit was it me? no i don't think so, damn is it that girl next to me."

I have no idea if anyone knew it was me; I'm completely sure a couple near me knew but everyone was extremely poker-faced about the whole incident and I was so glad when the lift finally reached my floor and I could escape.

The Boyfriend sent me a really loving text:

"Roses are red, Violets are blue, Although you fart a lot, I still love you."

Such a sweetie.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: embarrassed
Music: none, "poot poot" is still echoing in my mind

I'm free like a bird!

2008-08-25T15:41:00.005+08:00

The Boss finally accepted my letter on Friday evening. Relief is me! He gave me a sad-puppy look but living with Sparky Ling has made me resilient against caving in and giving out excessive doggie treats. In 2 months' time, I will be out of this misery!!

Time for disclaimer: I do like everyone, it's a nice office and all, and the decision is completely business, nothing personal. I'm just not doing what I really want to do.

Separately, I'm supposed to go to Manila for an M&A. It's nail-bitingly scary cos I have no idea what goes on with one of these things and furthermore, I will be going alone!!! Boss is supposed to give me a crash-course later today and tomorrow morning, off I go. Man, this is so different from shopping for Prada bags, ya'noe! Still, must embrace the opportunity to travel and broaden one's mind and also get some shopping done and of course learn whatever I can from this experience. Good thing is, even if I f**k up completely, they can't exactly fire me right?

I still think Boss is making a huge mistake by investing in me right now though. Seems a little too much too late and also am wondering why he doesn't want to send someone more experienced (who is actually staying in the company) over for this great opportunity. We had reviews by Global S&M Director last Friday. I rated "career opportunities and work environment" the lowest amongst my peers and the GSMD picked on it and asked me why. Boss frowned at me across the table. But Mummy always told me never to lie.

Location: 14th floor of misery (not for long!!)
Current Condition: relieved
Music: none

Please release me, let me go...

2008-08-21T12:39:00.005+08:00

My boss tore my first resignation letter in halves.

Last evening, he placed my other attempt on my table and left the office.

He gives me a sesame candy stick each time he returns my resignation letter.

I have 3 sesame candy sticks on my table now.

I don't even like sesame.

I have to go.

This bears serious tones of a bad break-up. I'm 28. I don't do break-ups anymore.

I just have to go.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: frustrated
Music: none

Long live the Tees!

2008-08-21T12:29:00.005+08:00

Saturday was a rare girls-day-out so we had sushi and then dessert at Canele and just blissful nothing-ness, idle gossip and some man-bashing.

Then somewhere in the middle, Sam dropped a bomb. Her sister gave her 5 (FIVE) bags of clothes she didn't want anymore. It was either St. Vincent de Paul or us.

Immediately, plans were reshuffled, changed, scrapped - whatever. We all trooped down to Sam's place in the evening and had a mini fashion show. OK, zippers got stuck a few times on me (damn Sam & her family of hobbits) but Susan who is a fellow hobbit, was petite enough to fit into a lot of them.

Zara, CK, DKNY, skirts, blouses, dresses, pants - you name it, she had it. Some even had tags on them still!

There was plenty left for St. Vincent de Paul when we were done.

Sam is now our most loved friend, esp since she promised us first rights of refusal on the next batch.

Not forgetting Sam's sister, of course

Long live the Tees!

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: sleepy
Music: none

One hell of a Smart Chick

2008-08-13T11:05:00.005+08:00

This was last evening:

We drive past the building where I met my present boss for my first interview. I sigh and tell the Boyfriend about it.

“Aiyah, I don’t understand you girls. Why is it always so hard for you to let go and move on? You don’t even like your job. Women... Tsk!”

GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR….

“Hey! In a hypothetical situation, if your girlfriend, whom you love very much, were to break up with you, isn’t this the very trait you would want her to have? Just so that there is a chance for you guys to get back together again? But then when it surfaces in a situation completely uninvolving you and your wants, you find it an annoying trait? What the hell? Men… TSK! You only use us when you need us!”

The Boyfriend turns to me with a baffled look, shakes his head as if to clear out the cobwebs in between his ears and said, “Wha--? Can you say that again, slowly please? And add some punctuation marks this time.”

I try to regurgitate my outburst as best as I can remember it. My second tries are never as fluent as my first.

The Boyfriend shakes his head again, presumably to clear out any lingering cobwebs he might have missed out the first time. Then, almost in wonder, he says thoughtfully, “You know, I’ve always liked smart girls. And you are the smartest one I have ever met and that was a big reason why I starting liking you. But sometimes too much of a good thing becomes a bad thing.” More head-shaking.

I sit stunned for a minute and truth be told, glowing with pride. Woah, did the earth just move? The Boyfriend always says I’m a smart-mouth and I talk too much, yadda yadda but he has never admitted that he thinks I’m smart. Plus the Boyfriend is also rather constipated when it comes to dishing out praise of any kind. Happiness is me!

But of course I can’t let it be known that he has just made my entire week with that statement. So I turn to look out of my window and mutter loudly, “Your ex-girlfriend very smart, meh? She looks mildly retarded to me.”

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: still happy
Music: edwin mccain

Sparky Ling

2008-08-12T14:39:00.009+08:00

I’m convinced that my poor baby is sick.

On Friday, FBIL called saying that Sparky wasn’t feeling well but we assumed that he already took care of the situation. But on Saturday morning, Sparky quietly came up to me and sniffed my hand and that is so not Sparks at all. Sparks is a loud, barking (mad), jumpy-all-over-you kind of dog.

I must also add a disclaimer here that Sparky Ling is not my dog. He actually belongs to FBIL who doesn't have much time to see to him anymore and so FMIL has become the very unwilling surrogate mother and I the eccentric aunt who always has treats and walkies for him.

So anyway, back to Saturday morning, we asked FMIL and she said, “No la, the dog is perfectly fine. He was barking and scratching the door the whole of last night. There is nothing wrong with him.”

Phew, ok so maybe he was just lethargic from his nocturnal activities.

Then FMIL added, “Oh, he just can’t swallow properly. So he hasn’t been eating much.”

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Obviously I got extremely kan chiong and was all ready to bundle him under my armpits and run like the wind to the nearest vet; the Boyfriend was a little calmer and suggested that we monitor the situation and make a decision by evening.

So I positioned myself next to Sparky’s feeding bowl, one eye on the TV and the other one trained on him the entire afternoon. It was truly a huge relief to see him take his first mouthful and swallow about 1pm.

He seemed fine over the rest of the weekend, just slower and lethargic but still barking incessantly so everyone had him written off as fine. I was still unconvinced but unfortunately outnumbered and so decided to leave it as that.

During Sunday night dinner I happened to mention this Sparky situation to my mum when she reminded me that dogs are like babies – barking is their only form of communication to us. So later that night, over drinks with the FPIL, I casually mentioned this nugget of information.

Silence around the table.

Finally FFIL said, “Yes that’s true as well. Maybe we have been writing off his barking as normal but he could be sick. He is almost 12 years old already.”

FMIL huffily retorted, “This is FBIL’s dog. Let him go take care of it.”

The Boyfriend and I decided to bring Sparks to the vet next Saturday to get him checked out once and for all.

FMIL, scratching her head, “Hmmm, I hope FBIL remembered to renew the dog licence then.”

Sparky is going to the vet this weekend, come hell or high water. I won't rest until I know that he is perfectly ok. I've even asked if he could move in with us when we got married and the Boyfriend laughed scornfully at the idea.

"Yeah right, you must be joking right? Sparky is so old and noisy. Anyway, how is your mother going to visit us in future like that?" Thoughtful pause. "Actually, let me think about it."

Disclaimer: Both the Boyfriend and I get along great with both sets of parents. We really do love everyone, they're all hilarious and incredibly fun.

*FPIL - future parents in law
*FFIL – future father in law
*FMIL – future mother in law
*FBIL – future brother in law

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: sleepy
Music: none

Heart-breaking reality

2008-08-11T17:03:00.003+08:00

It must be heart-breaking to know that in this lifetime:

1. You will always have to worry about providing your children with basic education

2. Your children may never have the chance to be educated and have a better life than you

3. You may never sit in a car

4. Your longest travel trip will be to the water well some 10 miles away from your village, by foot

5. You will never see another city or country other than the one you live in

6. The Eiffel Tower, London Bridge, Great Wall of China and the Northern Lights are only pictures in a book

7. You may not even have books

8. Clean water is a resource you can never get enough of

9. You will never be affected by increasing oil prices because oil is something you don’t need, you use your hands and feet to toil everyday in the baking sun

10. Your fields are full of healthy crops but you are still short of half your rent due at the end of the week

11. Your landlord wants your daughter in lieu of your rent short-fall, probably to sell her into prostitution

12. You will never have enough food

13. You will see your children, wife and parents starve on a daily basis

14. You may even have to watch them die of starvation

15. Because of Aids & malaria, you may die before your children

16. Your children may be infected as well but you will never have enough money or time to save them

17. The burden of looking after your children when you pass on from disease may fall on your deaf and blind ageing parents

18. Coca-cola, the daily drink of the Westerners, is a luxury to you

19. You may have killed a child of yours just to prevent him/her from the suffering you face

20. You pray for help and assistance, but there just seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel

21. You have absolutely no solution on how you can make things better; you’re just one person caught up in a system of how it has always been

22. People cry when they hear your stories, but you can’t cry for everything that you can never be and everything that you have lost

23. People take away the physical hardship with blankets and food and kind words but they can’t take away the scars life has carved out in your soul

24. This is your life, the way it started and the way it’s going to end, and this is all that it will ever be

Recently, I have been increasingly saddened by the various sufferings all over the world, particularly Africa. When I think of my overseas education, or when we’re driving home on a rainy night and I look out at the world behind my window of warmth and security, when I’m eating in a restaurant or I spend money on yet another meaningless trinket or outfit, I suddenly am plagued with a sense of regret and remorse at the luxuries I take for granted. How fortunate I am, how safe a haven is my country, how beautiful my life is; everything I have compared to everything they don’t.

In the past, whenever I watch these charity programs on TV or see an ad banner, I’d always feel a pang of sadness but the pang often gets replaced by something else pretty fast and I forget what I have just witnessed. I guess what really changed me was when I watched Idol Gives Back ‘08, the segment which hit me the most when Annie Lennox cried after spending time with the 4 siblings whose parents passed away from Aids. The eldest boy is only 15 years old and the burden on caring and providing for his brothers and sisters weigh solely on his shoulders. When I was 15, my biggest problems were boys and not getting grounded for staying out too late. I decided then that I wanted to give something too.

Call me unfair but as I was trawling through the various non-profit organization websites, I wasn’t touched by the underprivileged Americans at all. Firstly most of them looked pretty well-fed, if you get my drift and secondly, I honestly believe that there are enough rich Americans to take care of their own. I knew that I wanted to focus on the Africans, especially the children who had to grow up too quickly because of the environment they live in.

The stories I read broke my heart. The poverty, the anguish and the loss that these children suffer almost on a daily basis, and yet in every picture, a smile, so sweet so innocent so trusting so full of hope. And always so dignified, standing tall with their backs straight up as if to say “things can’t get any worse, we can make it through.” Little soldiers, forced to grow up way before their time.

I wanted to sponsor every single kid on every website I came across but I have my limitations as well. Anyway, I chose a little boy who lost his parents and is living on borrowed time with his relatives. His family’s income is only US$25/month (I can spend more than that on shoes in a week!!) and he needs all the help he can get. He looks like the cutest boy ever from his pictures and I hope that my donations put him through school so that one day we can communicate directly in English.

I may be helping King get a better future, but I believe that he will teach me how to live a better life. One of humility, dignity and strength.

To sponsor a kid, use the link below:
http://www.children.org/

To make a project donation, use the link below:
http://www.africaaid.org/donate.htm

Go ahead, man
Here, have a dollar
In fact no, brother man, here, have two
Two dollars means a snack for me
But it means a big deal to you
Be strong, serve God only
Know that if you do, beautiful heaven awaits
That's the poem I wrote for the first time
I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate
Mister Wendal, that's his name
No one ever knew his name 'cause he's a no one
Never thought twice about spending on an old bum
Until I had the chance to really get to know one
Now that I know him, to give him money isn't charity
He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes
And to think blacks spend all that money on big colleges
Still most of y'all come out confused
Mister Wendal has freedom
A free that you and I think is dumb
Free to be without the worries of a quick to diss society
For Mister Wendal's a bum
His only worries are sickness and an occasional harassment
By the police and their chase
Uncivilized we call him
But I just saw him eat off the food we waste
Civilization, are we really civilized
Yes or no, who are we to judge
When thousands of innocent men could be brutally enslaved
And killed over a racist grudgeMister Wendal has tried to warn us about our ways
But we don't hear him talk
Is it his fault when we've gone too far
And we got too far 'cause on him we walk
Mister Wendal, a man, a human in flesh
But not by law
I feed you dignity to stand with pride
Realize that all in all you stand tall

- “Mr Wendal”, Arrested Development

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: bittersweet
Music: many rivers

5 mins of fame!!

2008-08-07T18:03:00.003+08:00

I'm famous! Well, sort of... in a way.

Last year, Susan and Gabes got us (BF & me) birthday cupcakes which were lovely and oh-so-purty that we couldn't bear to eat them. (But we did anyway cos we are such pigs, right?)

Today, nearly a year later Susan gives me the website contact and I see a picture of our cupcakes there! And a small mention about me being young... *Swoons*

Oh my gosh! I'm famous!!!

http://cupcake-fantasies-catwalk.blogspot.com/2007_09_01_archive.html
(See entry titled "Pink & Blue")

P.S. Please order your cupcakes from her. She is so creative and she did such a wonderful job for us!

P.P.S Oh yeah, small mention of the Boyfriend being young as well.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: swooning
Music: hillsongs

For my Mummy

2008-07-28T14:56:00.009+08:00

Mummy discovered my 2.55 over the weekend and took my speedy hostage because she reckoned that I have FAR too many bags and "Jesus said that we must share".

She even swapped her current wallet to an LV one to match.

(By the way, my mum has all these random designer wallets / coin purses / key pouches which she keeps untouched in her drawer. All of them are still wrapped their original packaging. She says that they are all gifts collected over the years and that she will use them one by one after the current one gets too old, but we all know that a wallet can easily last for at least 6 years or more. My brother suspects that the entire loot is actually our inheritance.)

I was a little bit upset initially cos the speedy is my trusty weekend bag; I can throw in my book, sunnies, cardi, everything and go. But then I saw my mum sitting outside the gate on Saturday afternoon, painstakingly cleaning all our shoes so that the insides don't get dusty and mouldy and my selfish heart melted.

"This is only one-third of your shoe collection. This house has no more space. If you want to buy more shoes, buy a new house first so you can keep them."

- Words of wisdom, The Mummy

But alas, I must have made a face of sorts earlier that day (before the shoe cleaning incident) so when I came home on Saturday, I found my speedy bag wrapped in its dustbag inside my closet. My poor Mummy!! She says its OK but I will buy her her own speedy for her birthday, even if I have to eat bread and drink water everyday from now til then.

My mum is a wonderful person, even though she is neurotic and demented and used to scare the shit out of me when I was younger. I don't appreciate her as much as I should and I am very ashamed of myself over this episode.

Sometimes I think about the day when my mum won't be around anymore and I can't go to her for advice or comfort or just to chat about rubbish things. And it gets me so down that I don't want to think any further. No matter how old we get, there's nothing like a mummy to bring out the little child in you.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: sad & ashamed
Music: none

An odd discovery

2008-07-23T18:51:00.004+08:00

I think that perhaps I'm not that allergic to work after all. For some strange reason, I got in to work today and after consulting my To Do List, I actually got down to some tasks. Yes, I did them for the sake of striking them off the list but still I did manage to clear some things. It helped that my boss was away and there was no one to hound me or ask me silly, annoying questions.

It is disturbing to realise that I actually don't hate work, I merely dislike doing it for someone whom I don't think appreciates me.

Unfortunately, it was 6.30pm all too soon and when the aircon goes off, so do 80% of my colleagues, hence I lost the motivation to continue. Anyway I shall endeavour to do the same tomorrow. It doesn't matter why I'm doing it, as long as I get it done, right? Makes the leaving later on easier.

Any-hoos, I've got a few minutes before I leave to meet the Boyfriend. Sigh, I have a craving for Vietnamese cuisine today. Looking at the pictures on Hungrygowhere has left me drooling for grilled pork chop with rice and sweet chilli sauce. Yum yum... and am very hungry, to point of starvation soon cos I didn't have lunch today.

No, I'm not that industrious, it's just that I'm wearing a clingy dress and I didn't want my tummy to bulge out. Tsk.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: hungry
Music: jeff buckley

My allergies are acting up

2008-07-21T16:34:00.004+08:00

I have decided that working gives me a terrible headache, hence I must be allergic to work and should thus quit my job, give up my career and be a stay-home bum. This situation will of course be temporal, until my status changes to stay-home wife and thereafter in time, stay-home mum.

I must have a word with the Boyfriend with regards to my latest discovery.

Oh and we caught The Dark Knight over the weekend and it was really good. Not your typical DC hero type of flick but I thought it captured the very essence of humanity in its portrayal of mankind's moral dilemma in the world we live in. But I can't go on too much about it for now cos my head is really cracking, despite the 2 panadols i just swallowed.

Must note this though. Last week, I was waiting for the Boyfriend to pick me up after work. Saw the car pull up at the curb a few metres away and started making my way towards it when a tall Orchard Tower-esque lady-man got out of the passenger seat. I was stunned for a while and then enraged and was all ready to drag the Boyfriend out of the car by his ears and demand an explanation when I remembered that we don't own an Integra anymore.

Stopped stock still in the middle of the pavement and pretended to fiddle with my phone instead. Highly embarrassing; wondered if people around me noticed that I was making my way to that car. *Twiddle dum, twiddle dee*

Any-hoos, please say hi to our new "we-are-grown-ups-now" ride: Charlie.

Between you and me, I don't think I'm going to like him as much as Tommy.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: in pain
Music: john mayer

A Tribute to Tommy

2008-07-16T12:22:00.007+08:00

We bade a loyal friend goodbye yesterday. Dearest Tommy who has been with us for the past 2 years. I felt such a deep sadness that not even my 2.55 was able to make up for.

Tommy was our 1st car and our first major investment together. Back when we were just friends, the Boyfriend told me about his dream car and I told him about my dream bag. When we got together, both dreams came true and we always thought this was happily ever after.

Alas, Tommy grew older and got more expensive to maintain his performance. He needed an expensive overhaul to bring him back to his heydays of glory and the Boyfriend was always fretting over finding time to change spare parts, blah blah. Also in our attempt to cruise into the next chapter of our lives, we realise that we had to make more grown-up decisions like saving more, buying less bags and choosing a more economical ride. Plus, with the aged grandparents and ageing parents, a 4-door would be more convenient for everyone.

So we talked it over and took several months but at last we decided that we would have to let Tommy go.

It was painful and heart-wrenching.

It may be just a car to some, but to us Tommy symbolises much more than that. Tommy is a reminder of us getting together, making our dreams come true together, making that bold step to say "I trust you, and I will always walk beside you from here-on" by investing in him together. Tommy was our daily companion, delivering us to the right place in time, accomplice to our compromises on the road. Tommy was a source of comfort on the many nights I had to work late or the times when I was sick and needed to see a doctor.

So this is a tribute to Tommy, our dearest and most faithful friend.

We haven't always treated you the way you deserve. We didn't keep you as clean as we should have or sent you for servicing as timely as we should have. Yet you were always there for us. You never broke down in the middle of nowhere, never got us into an accident. Even when we drove over a nail and your tyre was punctured, you went on like a brave soldier, giving up only after we reached the nearest gas station. You were confidante to our fights, our deepest fears, our secrets. You made us proud to be seen with you cos you were so dashing. (Everyone liked your rims!) We are so sorry that we had to do this. It was so hard for me to walk away from you yesterday and leave you sitting in the lot by yourself while we drove away. Last night at bed-time, we asked each other, "I wonder where Tommy is, I wonder how he is doing." Letting go is so very hard. I wish we didn't have to say goodbye.

But thank you for the valuable lessons you've taught us. You helped us grow up and we will do better with our next one. We will always have the beautiful memories. And no matter what, you will always be our first and always, our dearest Tommy.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: nostalgic
Music: death cab for cutie

What have I done?

2008-07-14T21:18:00.004+08:00

I did a really bad thing recently. It was pure impulse, whim and fancy. I didn't mean for things to get so out of hand but I was so caught up in everything that I only came to my senses after the card was swiped.

I panicked and told The Boyfriend immediately; who was surprisingly understanding, although he had a look of disbelief on his face, a la "I must be dating a moron."

So anyway life went on and we both didn't think too much about it because it will just seem like a bad dream after a while. Or at least I thought so.

Until the shipment came in today... that is. I have to hide it from Mummy or she will either 1. kill me or 2. confiscate it and use it herself.

Deadly, potent and bankrupting. But I love it!

Location: Home (on MC with flu)
Current Condition: Flu-ish but delirious with happiness
Music: None

Halfway through the week

2008-07-09T17:51:00.006+08:00

Midweek and still alive. I'm proud of the fact that I'm still hanging on without lapsing into severe depression as well as disturbed with my inability to place a white envelope on my boss' table.

I always did wonder why it has to be a white envelope. I mean, does it matter anymore at that point in time? Maybe if I hand him a neon pink envelope, it would help speed up the process? Just a thought...

Tonight is the ex-C'nites gathering, and a proper one at that since P gave in her own neon pinkie. I'm so proud of her for staying as long as she has and incredibly amazed by her tenacity and strength to keep going in a company better dubbed as "House of Flying Daggers".

So it's been a chockablock week with more appointments coming up and over the weekend as well. Methinks that I'm deliberately doing this to myself so that I won't have alone-time to face my fears and make a proper and final decision. Coward is me.

On to bleaker stuff, the Boyfriend paid some S$300 this afternoon to the men in green for failing to keep up with his part-time physical fitness regime. What a terrible waste! I can think of many many things to do with S$300. Shoes, bags, food, more alcohol, ebay... But I'm sure he is pretty bummed out about it so I shall be an angel and keep my trap shut. At least for today.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: 10 mins more to freedom & happiness
Music: none

A much better Tuesday

2008-07-08T13:23:00.004+08:00

The Boyfriend and I went to Les Bouchons for dinner last night and it was every bit as good as the recommendations made it out to be. Steak was oh-so tender and juicy and only a faction of what you'd pay at Lawrys. Total bill was just over $120 for two, with wine and appetiser. Very very good, we will be back again soon. Kudos to Henry for discovering this place and spreading the word!

Office is quiet today; everyone is off-site for the day. My favourite kind of afternoon - with my bedroom slippers on under my desk so no one can see, a steaming cuppa and the world wide web at my disposal.

On a separate note, I have recently discovered sweet-oh-so-sweet joy in a wrapper at my local 7-11. You know how much I hate cream; fresh, whipped, stale, butter, any sort of cream. The taste of cream makes me feel sick, unless its ice-cream or full cream milk. So when I spotted Sunshine's Chocolate Cream Roll, I wasn't very tempted but it was the only confectionary which could fit into my handbag and I was eating on the run.

But oh was I so wrong! This unassuming piece of bread, in a frankly unattractive brown wrapper is like manna from heavens. It's a soft hot dog bun with icing sugar chocolate filling so you dont really get the sickening cream taste as much as you just crunch through your mouthful of bread and chocolate icing sugar crystals. I'm gushing, I know. But I love it! Best part is, no trans fat!! But I'm still not taking any chances so I'm skipping my lunch just to have a roll a day. Yum yum.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: chocolate heaven
Music: hallelujah

I hate Mondays...

2008-07-07T12:00:00.004+08:00

Grumpy Smurf says its all.

I wish my boss would fire me so that I wouldn't have to do the nasty to him instead. I hate being the bad guy. But I really hate doing my job...

I only like lunch-times, coffee breaks, drinkies with my lovely colleagues and anytime after 6.30pm.

Never felt this way about work til recently. It's not you, it's me... I just want something more, something you can't or perhaps won't give me. The point is, either way, it doesn't matter anymore. Cos I've already found a path, I just need courage to turn the key.

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: miserable
Music: my own lamenting and wailing

Thank Goodness It's FRIDAY!!

2008-07-04T14:17:00.014+08:00

Hello everyone! It's Friday and I'm in a deliriously good mood. I love the weekend - Friday nights, Saturday mornings... oooh, I'm tingling with excitement already.

Now it's just about having to get through the day (report due, meeting at 4pm - feeling a bit guilty now cos the slacking thing has been going on for 2 days already...) and then... TGIF!

The Boyfriend and I are thinking of catching a movie later on. It will be our first "date" in ages. He owes me 21 but I know he really wants to watch Get Smart. Should I compromise?

I really want to watch 21, especially now with the new batch of scratch-its out since yesterday. Since Tuesday, the Boyfriend and I drove to over 5 petrol stations in search of $2 scratch-its but it was sold out. Even the outlet at my office building ran out of cards completely. So last evening, when I saw the Boyfriend walking back to car with red and purple strips in his hand, my heart leapt! Our total winnings were only $7.00 but no matter cos the joy is in the anticipation and scratching anyway. Plus, when I went to collect my albeit very small winnings earlier, the auntie cajoled me into buying another scratch-it card from her and I won $2, so I thought it was a pretty OK trade. Please, please, auntie from Singapore Pools outlet at Basement, give me the $10,000 ticket next time. HUAT ah!

Nothing much planned for the weekend, just a lunch at the Boyfriend's boss's place tomorrow and possibly dinner with a close couple-friend. After last weekend's fiasco of me overplanning and the Boyfriend oversleeping and all our friendships just plain over (i.e. kaput; and no one wants to go out with us anymore, we are like Norman + Norma no-mates *sobs*), I think I'm going to let things take its natural course this weekend and just spend some us time.

Gotta go and force myself to do some work now. Just to show willing, like...
Have a smashing Friday!

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: deliriously happy (and tad bit guilty)
Music: none

Oh crap...

2008-07-03T17:07:00.008+08:00

Crap! It's 5pm already and I have done zilch at work today, plus I have to leave early cos of Kevin's birthday drinkies later. Rediscovering the joys of blogging is very bad for work performance.

I've become extremely demotivated at work recently. Harbouring thoughts of moving on but I'm worried that I'll look fickle in my CV. Is 9 months at one place representative of a job-hopper? Must meet up with my ninjas for a consultation session over the weekend.

The extremely sweet boyfriend is back from trip to LA and reservist and got me lovely lovely things.

Lovely #1

Love the ribbon! Everyone has been asking me if I tied it on myself. *rolls eyes* I now live in fear of it getting dirtied.

Lovely #2

Mummy thinks its the ugliest thing she has even seen. Very obiang, were her exact words. Doesn't matter, I love it cos the Boyfriend braved going into a bag shop to get it for me. It's strange how he can be so sweet when least expected.

Once, he was returning from yet another overseas trip and I heard that there was a 50% sale in the G**** outlet at the airport. Obligingly, he promised to check it out for me and we had a three-way conversation with the sales asst while I was waiting outside at Arrivals for him.

BF: "Wah lau, i have never seen so many ugly bags in one shop before."

Me: "Sssssh, the SA can hear you. Just ask her for a medium hobo bag."

BF: " Excuse me, do you have a bobo bag?"

Me cringing: "OMG..."

Mutterings in the background

BF: " Eh, she gave me this model. There is pink, is which farking ugly and a brown one. But it doesn't look like a bag at all."

Me: "Huh? What does it look like then?"

BF: "Looks like the bottom of a guitar."

Me: "Oh geez. Please just pay for it and get out of there. NOW!"

BF: "Eh, this is damn embarrassing. Please dont ask me to buy bags for you ever again. I think the lady is laughing at me."

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: slack
Music: one republic

English 101

2008-07-03T12:41:00.017+08:00

I know it's been ages but before I explain my hiatus from blogging, I have to rant about something which has been bothering me for a few days now.

"STUFFS"

Use in various blogs as such:-
1. "I went shopping today with D and bought so much stuffs. Seriously damaging to the wallet."
2. About a birthday celebration: "Thanks to all my ger-gers for coming down to celebrate with me and getting me so many lovely stuffs."

It got to a point where I was seriously getting irritated by this suddenly ubiquitous word.

I must add a disclaimer - I do not have a fantastic command of the English language. I still come across new words when I read and have to refer to a dictionary. I can't say "unequivocally" without my tongue playing twister with me. But I remember learning about irregular plurals in my PSLE English textbook. Some nouns have identical singular and plural forms like moose, sheep, swine and STUFF.

To further complete this English lesson, according to Poppy Fields Dictionary:

Stuff (noun): things (informal)
Example 1: I only shop at Gucci. I simply adore their stuff!
Example 2: Please help me, I've got a lot of stuff to carry.

Stuff (verb): to fill, cram, plug
Example 1: Stuff the pillow with more down.
Example 2: Go stuff yourself, a**hole!

Stuffs (verb, present continuous tense)
Example 1: How does she expect to lose weight when she stuffs herself with food every minute?!
Example 2: She just stuffs all her clothes into the closet, no wonder she can't find anything to wear!

Got it?

On a happier note, I'm currently in love...

I'm biding my time before I can get my hands on this fab-fab-fabulous baby. Don't you just love Chanel stuffs?

Location: 14th floor of misery
Current Condition: peeved
Music: none

When?

2007-12-04T14:20:00.001+08:00

Another friend ties the knot on Sunday.... An ex-colleague who turned out to be one helluva brother and I'm incredibly happy for him and how his life has turned out to be.

Still, I look back at my own and wonder... when?

The boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage more often these days, but being the pragmatic people we are, we discuss more about property prices and renovation loans. Yet sometimes the girl in me turns wistful for the fairy-dusted sparkle of a magical wedding. I have no doubts that we are meant to be together but ... when?

I blame Glenn for these thoughts. I had a funny conversation with him the other night over a kopi (which I have to admit, does a great deal more for my heartland soul than Starbucks, maybe... except for... just maybe, Toffee Nut Latte during Christmas) when the boyfriend went off to the loo. Earlier we had been conspiring on how Glenn should propose to Debbie before they returned to Oz for the semester in March 08 and Glenn suddenly turned to me and said, "Haven't you been pressuring Drew on when?"

I was taken aback at the question. I never expected my boyfriend's best friend to ask me this. He seemed concerned at our lack of plans. And I explained to him that I know where we are heading and that I wanted the boyfriend to do it in his own place and time. I didn't want to spoil things by egging him on and as a result end up feeling frustrated and impatient myself.

"Don't wait too long," was Glenn's reply before we spotted the boyfriend making his way to back to the table.

End of brief conversation. Beginning of new thoughts in my mind.

Yes, when indeed?

I'm not getting frustrated or impatient... yet. Rather I'm starting to recognise that this really is happening and we are on our way to making a future together. I'm getting excited.

And something I've learnt while growing up, the anticipation of an event can sometimes be greater than the event itself. So I will be enjoying the wait until the day he gets down on his knees with the ring pop he has always said he would be getting. Unless he tries the old HDB-line on me instead.

Location: BF's house
Current Condition: anticipating
Music: christmas carols

Catching Up...

2007-12-02T20:54:00.001+08:00

Beijing was completely exhausting in terms of work. I believe that we actually went where angels feared to tread and from the mouth of my boss himself, that was absolutely the last time we would be doing any work for this group. Sometimes, all the money in the world can't make up for human dignity.

It was mostly hotel, dinner, hotel but we managed to get out on the last night and had a really great dinner at Hou Hai. I am continually amazed at the amount of effort the Chinese put into food presentation. Marlene brought us to this lovely pseudo-fusion restaurant and we had an amazing tom yam beef dish which was just on the right side of spicy and some boiled chicken herbal soup which warmed our very-chilled bones. Check out the omelettes though... I can't imagine layering each slice so intricately without the entire thing just falling to pieces.

While we were walking along Hou Hai, we spotted these strong neon green beams which looked like incredibly long light sabers but were actually powerful laser pointers and the peddlers were beaming these directly into the sky. The throw was simply out of this world; it was a foggy and cloudy night so the light beams shone like some laser show display. Needless to say, the boss HAD to buy some. Which was OK, until he presented one to the boyfriend when we got back to Singapore so guess who has been putting up with random laser shows around the eastern part of Singapore? I swear, if that thing ever hits me in the face, I'll throw it straight into the chute, S$300 or not!

Pictures of us at some R&B club in Beijing - I must say that the locals really know how to party, though thank goodness not as wild as the Shanghai party scene. I have never gone to a club wearing a turtleneck, sneakers and a cap but at -3 degrees C, vanity was simply overruled.

And when I got back to Singapore, the boyfriend and I went out with his family for a good meal at Amigos. Yum yum! I missed him soooo much in Beijing but at a whooping $0.60 per min, we made a rule to keep communications to 5 minutes a day. The good news is, the boyfriend missed me as much too that he allowed me to fart under the blankets at night with minimal complaints from him. I thought it was a pretty fair trade-off, for all of the 3 days his generosity lasted. And yes, in the spirit of Christmas, I threw caution to the wind and permed my habitually rebonded hair. Just thought I'd try something new, but am still getting mixed reviews on that decision. My dad has taken to calling me grizzly bear; not my favourite nickname at that moment.

I'm off with the boyfriend to meet Glenn and Clarence now. By the way... I miss my ninjas terribly!

Location: BF's place
Current Condition: curly-wurly heaven
Music: o holy night

Shopaholic & Me

2007-11-18T11:51:00.001+08:00

Lately, I have been dreaming about the perfect...

1) Eye-cream
I need one that can lighten the dark circles, remove the fine lines and wrinkles, combat the crow's feet and moisturise the eye area. In other words, I need the superman of eye creams. And we all know how much that's going to cost.

2) Black shoes
Something classy and yet comfortable so that I can wear it with my suits to work and yet not die of pain by lunchtime. I know that footwear affects your posture, back, knees etc etc. I mean it's a health hazard to wear cheap shoes. My left big toe still feels numb after the last conference, I swear. I keep telling the Boyfriend that. On Pedder instead of Charles and Keith. Nothing less than Low-bow-tan... His reply? "So hiao for what? Wear flats la."

3) Lucida Ring
I fell in love with this classic piece back in my teens and it has been my secret fantasy that my Prince Charming will propose with it. It was a lot simpler back then. "Find a rich man lor." Now that I'm a little more grown up and I understand about inflation, GST and true love, I can still look and drool. can't I?

4) The building excitement of Christmas
Christmas lights and decorations everywhere, carols playing in the elevators, Starbucks serving Toffee Nut Latte... It makes me warm and tingly all over to know that Christmas - my absolute favourite time of the year, is coming and my baby and I are going to spend it together for the 2nd time. I love Christmas!!

Its a lovely Sunday morning and I know I should be doing some work now to help ease tomorrow's pain but sigh - what the hell! Its the weekend! Don't I get a well-deserved break?? I'll just panic and stress about it tomorrow and be pissy again at work.

And as soon as I haul the Boyfriend's arse up from bed, we are off to gorge ourselves silly at high tea followed by Mass. Then we are going to pick dear Glenn up from the airport and have dinner with the rest of the gang!! I know I'm a habitual worrier and whiner but deep deep down I know that I am very blessed and I do love my life, with all its ups and downs.

Location: Home
Current Condition: Shopaholic urges
Music: the Boyfriend's snores

Bring it on

2007-11-02T20:27:00.002+08:00

Friday night and I'm still bashing out furiously on my computer. Things are really not making sense to me right now. My work has come alive and has wrapped its talons firmly around me. I am being held hostage by my PC. The only consolation I have is that I managed to get out of the office to do my work in peace and tranquility.

I never thought of myself as a coward but today, things came to such heights that I bundled all my files and scurried out of the office. SCURRIED. I just wanted to get the hell of out there. The atmosphere was oppressive. I thought I was going to vomit bile at the sheer stupidity and insecurity of mankind. How can people be so myopic and power-hungry? Geez, its bad enough that we have to work the hours we do, let's not make it worse for ourselves by creating a warzone.

The boyfriend thinks that I have been too nice. The boss is puzzled at my unusual mild-ness. I can feel the monster in me surging forth each time we come into contact and I have to firmly push it back into recesses it came from. My rationale is simple - I want to forge a professional environment that is filled with mutual respect. But my mum was right - respect doesn't come with the rank, it has to be earned.

So no more Lil Miss Nice.

Don't hold a dagger to my back with a bright smile to my face. Lets just bear our teeth and come clean with the people we really are deep inside. At the end of it all, I just want to be able to justify that I tried playing nice. I really did. I turned the other cheek and all that. I'm all out of cheeks now. I'm all out of niceties as well. From here, it's going to be the real me who doesn't give a rat's ass about anything but getting the job done. My sweet nature had a time limit and you, my friend, have used it all up.

I suppose it's easy to mistake me as a sweet young thing who doesn't know any better cos I was keeping my head down and trying to step up with everything else. And from where I'm coming from, I just want to get the job done. It's not too late to wisen up and work together with me. I am not a childish person, I don't hold grudges, just take a chill pill and let's get this show on the road.

Still I can't force anyone's hand. Que sera sera, is all I can say. From hereon, I'm just gonna be me. The one my ex-staff lovingly called bitchy lou, lou at work and many other affectionate nicknames. Take it or stuff it. And if this has to become a war zone, I can only say "more fool you". But don't, please don't foolishly assume that I'm going to back down. I didn't get to where I am today by being a girl next door.

BRING IT ON

Location: sanctuary
Current Condition: heck
Music: alicia keys

Out of the pan... Into the fire...

2007-11-02T01:57:00.001+08:00

Halfway into my contract and I'm just wondering if I made the right decision after all.

The hours don't seem to be any better, the job-scope has sadly remained the same and the workload seems almost unbearable now that there isn't a team to support. Red-tape binds me to a mummy-like state and the politics make the White House look like the UN. I kid you not.

I miss my team. I miss good old EG days. I miss the feeling of all for one and one for all. I want it all back!

And smack out the blue, a delicious offer comes in. A job which promises a long ladder of career advancement, which can bring me back to a world where facts, figures and intelligence comes into play. No more mind-numbing hours, but mind-boggling situations which I have come to miss and long for. Yet what holds me back?

The money? It's not great but it's something I can live with for now. The sugar plum dangled before me the last time turned out to be one hell of a sour fruit in any case. Money money money - does it really make the world go round? Sure, I can always do with more but I know that things can only get better. Right? RIGHT?

I would love to be part of a start-up venture and at the end, look back and say that I did all that. I'm just tired of the money in the bank every month while waiting for the start-up to take off. Yet this opportunity is huge and I'm 100% percent sure that it'll be big cos there really isn't any other way for it to go. The people I will work for are huge venture capitalists, money generating warlords and intelligent men whom you only read about in Forbes. It's exciting, its scary, but essentially, it's going to be great.

So I can only deduce that what is holding me back is sheer sentimentality. I'm not sure that I can walk away and not feel that pang of sadness. I'm not sure that I can live with the feeling of guilt and abandonment. I owe almost everything to that one person who has patiently build my career for me and I don't think I'm ready to part ways yet. Not yet. We haven't fulfilled our dreams together. Will we ever get that chance in the future? I don't know.

What I do know is, this feels akin to tearing away a part of myself. It's always going to be left behind. Like I got UHU-glued to a wall and in the process of yanking myself away, I left a bit of me on that wall. In time, I will be but a fragment of the past on that wall. No one will know what that is or where it came from, just an odd lump of something on that wall. I'm not sure that I'm ready to be forgotten, to fade into a shadow of oblivion.
I have not fought the good fight to the end yet. And I'm not satisfied. But I am oh-so-weary already. Things have not turned out the way we dreamt it would be.

Yet the decision is still mine to make and I have to decide by tomorrow. I don't want to be forgotten. I don't want to give up without winning the war. I want to reach the finish line, but it just keeps moving further and further away.

Sentimental fool.

Location: home
Current Condition: confused
Music: highway noise

Oh so tired...

2007-10-14T00:27:00.001+08:00

It's been a while. Work has been hard, waking up at 6am each day has been harder and old age is simply creeping up on me. I have been wanting to post a new entry to catch up on everything, my dad's fabulous party, life in general, but each night, I get home and it takes every last bit of energy to shower before I crawl into bed. Each weekend is like a lifeline, a semblance of sanity for me and I balk at having to do anything more than sleep and spend time with the family and the boyfriend. I haven't levelled HO in 2 months, updated my FB account properly and the last thing I heard, my laptop was threatening to divorce me.

Guilt has induced this entry though. That's the problem with starting a blog; it becomes a lifetime commitment.

In a nutshell, this is what went on for the past month. My dad's party was fantastic. My brother, his girlfriend and I spent the whole afternoon blowing balloons and stringing streamers. Everything went without a hitch, the caterers were on time, everyone loved the food, the 3kg sugee cake with icing was ooh-ed and aah-ed over and my dad was one happy man. The boyfriend was off to Krabi but the evening was bearable because my lovely ninjas were all there to help with the bar. And it was really good to have the whole family together.

Work started the following Monday and it was and still is a bit of a culture shock. Back in EG, we were loud and noisy and it was one big happy family. Here people are quieter, cliques come in all shapes and sizes and I still don't know everyone's name. I'm still at the nodding-in-the-corridor/toilet/photocopier stage and I've only chatted/lunched with two other girls who are almost as new as me and probably just as lost. If I had to sum it up, I pretty much have no mates. Still, Zak says that that's just the way it is and thank goodness we have each other. I guess so.

To be fair, I wasn't formally introduced to everyone and the rest of the team I'm in have been away for work so there hasn't been any opportunity for bonding. Hopefully things get better progressively. I do appreciate the quiet of the office though as I have been more productive in the past month than in my 4 years in EG. Less chatting and playing means that I work steadily from 9am - 6.30pm, with an hour off for lunch. So the boyfriend and I are finally seeing more sunsets on the way home. Hooray for that!

It's hard for me coming into such an environment but I guess everyone has to grow up sometime and all my mates have been telling me horror stories about their first month so I think I'm a lot luckier that I'm working with someone I already know and am used to. It really isn't as bad as I am making it to seem. I'm sure no one hates me or anything but everyone's just busy doing their own thing to notice and I'm just being a baby about this cos if they start giving out Friendly Staff awards, I'm not going to get one either, for the lack of trying.

Anyway work is piling up, so I'm getting too busy to give this situation much thought. November is going to be hell with 4 events almost back-to-back. I just got back from Beijing where I almost froze my butt off in 11 degrees C fall weather (WTF??!) and I'm already worrying about squeezing in another trip before the end of Oct. But I"m also developing an employee mentality that weekends are mine, mine, mine and I sure ain't gonna go back to the office over this holiday weekend to put in some extra time. Still, I have this little whinging voice in my head warning me about my TO DO List come 9am on Tuesday. It's a bad habit from my years in EG.

Some say I've traded up. I say, same shit, different place.

Still, I'm not scoffing at the money. And God will work everything out for me.

Location: The boyfriend's place
Current Condition: Sleepy
Music: Highway noise

I'm missing you

2007-09-23T14:06:00.001+08:00

I miss my baby.

It's truly shitty that he is away on a weekend. Sundays are OUR DAYS; when we attempt and fail at making it for brunch, attend Mass together and develop Sunday blues come dusk. I don't mind too much if he is away on a Saturday cos there's always so much happening on a Saturday night with friends to keep me occupied but Sundays are for families and couples.

I get annoyed every Sunday because we become gradually listless with the thought of the impending work week and start talking in monotones and neither of us will want to make an executive decision on where to have dinner. But right now, I'd give anything to be able to do all that with him.

I haven't heard from him since 9am this morning cos they are out for some island trip and there is no reception on his mobile as they go out further to sea. AARGGHH! I'm terribly frustrated that he is traveling so much this month and that he couldn't come for my dad's party last evening (which was great, really and I do promise to write about it once my doom clears up) and it's just... AARGGHH!

I start work tomorrow at the new place. It's nerve-wrecking. I wish the boyfriend was here to distract me with his bad jokes and silliness. It's not that I'm afraid about not having anyone to have lunch with and stuff cos it's not like I don't know anyone there. But it's nerve-wrecking anyway and part of that is probably due to the fact that I have to be at work at 8.30am, which after 4 years at EG, is an ungodly hour. I'm getting worried that I'll oversleep tomorrow morning.

I hope that I'll cheer up a bit later when I meet Sue or Jules for dinner and a spot of shoe shopping for my 1st day of work.

Meanwhile, I'm still missing my baby... :(

Location: home... alone...
Current Condition: mopey
Music: class 95fm

Procrastination

2007-09-17T01:54:00.001+08:00

In a minute...

1. I will send out more resumes, just to be on the safe side, instead of picking up the latest Zoe Barnes novel.

2. I will tidy up my wardrobe so that I will have a choice of items to wear to work instead of re-using clothes from the just-laundered pile

3. I will gulp down a whole glass of water to fight that terrible syndrome known as water retention

4. I will defrag my computer instead of cursing each time IE shuts down for some bogus reason

5. I will reply some forgotten smses

6. I will remove the chipped polish from my toe-nails

7. I will pluck my brows with a tweezer instead of shaving them and encouraging stubble-growth

8. I will iron all my work clothes for the week so that each morning will not be some time-relay race

9. I will throw away the empty soda can sitting on my desk

10. I will check and update my To Do list for the week

11. I will empty my overflowing wastebin

12. I will take out the garbage for Mum

13. I will tidy up my shelves and throw out all the stuff which I have not touched or looked at for the past year

14. I will sort out my CD collection alphabetically

15. Ditto for my DVD collection

16. I will do up the schedule chart I promised my boss to complete over the weekend

17. I will pack up the Nokia, Motorola & Siemens handphone chargers which I no longer use and donate them to charity

18. I will volunteer to tutor underprivilege kids at my local parish

19. I will drop a note to an old student whose dad passed away in an accident this year

20. I will sort out my 40 pairs of shoes and get rid of the ones I no longer like

In a minute... in a minute...

Procrastination should be included as a deadly sin. Sloth doesn't quite cover it.

Location: office
Current Condition: indolent
Music: none

Groundhog Day

2007-09-15T15:09:00.002+08:00

It is a beautiful Saturday afternoon. For once, the skies are clear and the temperature is a perfect mix of what I like to call "shady warmth".

So why am I indoors, nursing a sniffly nose and feeling utterly despondent about my life?

I would like to blame PMS but deep down, I know it's more serious than that. I think, this is one of those random life-evaluating moments where the parts don't add up to a satisfactory result. In short, I think I'm lacking.

1. Career
Being a creature of habit and a detester of the unknown, I am extremely uncomfortable that my future lies in the hands of a rather fickle client. I admit that knowing the score now is tons better than the "terrible wait" period, but I guess on the other hand, everything becomes more REAL now.

I know that I'm over-worrying again because my choices are wide and I should be enjoying this break instead of obsessing too much if I am turning into a useless lump. C was only one option to begin with and it should still be that way. It just irks me that my life is not within my control. And I'm a huge control freak. I can't help it, it's in my genetic make-up. Mercury probably approached the Mars at an awkward, 150-degree link and Virgo landed on Uranus when I was born, hence I developed an anal-retentive behaviour.

2. Skills
Gasp, I don't have any!!!

Some people are born artists, others sing like sirens. Me? I can't paint, sing very well, cook like Remy the rat or dance like J Lo. Geez, I can't even paint my own toenails.

I can, however, think. My bosses say that I have excellent and astute thought processes and I possess a great deal of common sense. Statistically then, I'm a part of at least 80% of the world's population, the remaining 20% being made up by citizens below 10 years of age or denizens of various mental homes. Rejoice, I say!

3. Household chores

I don't know how to...
a) Work a washing machine
b) Cook perfect rice
c) Spring clean without throwing away half the house

I do know how to...
a) Work the SCV remote
b) Delegate household chores
c) Wrangle free ironing out of my mum
d) Cook instant noodles and other canned foods with soggy rice

This is getting extremely depressing. I may start hitting the bottle soon if I don't stop.

Why couldn't Mercury have hit the Moon and Virgo land on something else instead? Mars, perhaps? They say the view from there is heaps better.

Location: the bf's home
Current Condition: severely neurotic
Music: the distance

Wake me up when September ends

2007-09-06T01:11:00.001+08:00

The boyfriend is going away for a couple of days on a business trip and it suddenly struck me that we have not been apart for more than a day in our entire relationship. He has always arranged for me to accompany him on business trips but this time round, the agenda for KL / Jakarta just doesn't permit me to.

We both agreed that we are going to miss each other a lot and as I fussed over him when he was packing earlier this evening, I started questioning the relationship. Are we too clingy? Are we too dependent on each other? Is it normal for couples who have been together for the amount of time we have to want to see each other every day?

No matter what time we end, we would always meet, even if it's just to share a trip home. The boyfriend has always been strict on this issue; he wants to send me home, no matter where we are or how late it is. Since both our jobs is(for him)/was(for mine) so demanding, we often end up waiting for each other at the respective offices.

Some may say that our routine is a waste of energy and time, but it's been like this for so long, and I can't imagine it to change anytime soon. Nor do I want it to. That's the highlight of my day - to see the boyfriend after a gruelling day at work, share anecdotes about the office/clients/boss/co-workers or just bitch about life in general.

Sometimes I fall asleep in the car and wake up to his hands on my cheek and his indulgent smile. Sleepily, as I trudge to the lift, his hands will be on my back supporting me in case I fall over and land face-in the garbage bin. Other times, when the boyfriend is feeling sleepy, he will appoint me Master TP Watcher and I will shriek at the sight of any white car/bike parked ominously at the side of the expressway.

So two days wthout him seems like a lifetime and to put the icing on the rotten cake, he will be away for a 5-day planning session in Krabi later this month!

I have decided that I don't really care if anyone calls me needy. I just hope that we will greedily want to spend every waking minute with each other when we are 60, both of us with walking sticks and dentures, he with white hair and me with vanity-induced dyed hair.

Be safe, my darling and come back soon.

Location: the bf's home
Current Condition: worried
Music: leaving on a jet plane

Saturday 1 Sept 2007

2007-09-04T15:34:00.001+08:00

Saturday was a day for celebrations with friends.

We started the day out with a picnic at the Botanic Gardens. Not everyone could make it; some were away while others couldn't shift plans cos it was kind of last minute. But the boyfriend and I enjoyed ourselves thoroughly anyway.

It was a little frustrating at first because we were running late and had to stop to get a wine opener, having forgotten to grab one from home. Plus, we got lost trying to get to Cafe Les Amis and drove about for an hour!

Anyway, as soon as the drizzled cleared up and we found the others, things started looking up. The food was great - kudos to Grace for her delicious spread of cheese and crackers. It went well with the bottle of Merlot we brought and Sue made some wonderful sandwiches which we were deeply honoured for, since she claims that she only makes sandwiches once a year.

The highlight of the day was the lovely "cake" we had. Instead of a normal one, they got us a boxful of little chocolate cupcakes topped with blue and pink cream. They looked so sweet, nestled in a box of lined with shredded paper and tasted even more heavenly!

It was a good time to catch up on the goss with the rest and as the Garden got more and more crowded, we sat there and people-watched. I haven't felt so relaxed in so long and Drew has since decided that we should go to Botanic Gardens on weekends to laze about and read (which I thought was a great idea) and to jog (which I thought was a horrendous notion).

Our beautiful cupcakes

Sue, Gabes & Marcus

The Birthday Couple

At night, we met up with Sharon and Jules for dinner at Brown Sugar. Joey was out of town and Gen was baby-sitting so it was just the 4 of us. Dinner was good, though a little bit rushed cos we only got there at 9.30pm and the last orders were at 10pm.

Brown Sugar is really cosy and they do a pretty good brunch, but I just thought that its location didn't really suit the atmosphere they were trying to create. Would do better if they were located in Greenwood or 6th Ave, ala corduroy.

Gen managed to join us for drinks at Peppermint Park afterwards, but alas Sharon was not feeling too well and left early. Seemed like it was destined for only 4 Ninjas to meet that day. Had a few drinkies at PP and caught up with each other for a bit. Had some fun playing with the features of my camera cos Jules wanted to take some artistic shots. I'm not sure what that means actually, the phrase always brings to mind nudity. :)

It was a small celebration compared to last year, but seeing that we're both a year older and our ageing bodies can only take that much excitement, the boyfriend and I wanted something low-key and cosy, so that we could spend time with good friends, enjoy a good meal and great conversation. Which we did enjoy with both groups of friends on Saturday and we went home, feeling a little bit woozy from all that booze but very contented that we are much loved by our wonderful friends, even the ones who couldn't make it.

I would write about Sunday but I'm pretty zapped from work today. Hopefully I won't be too slack tomorrow to continue.

Hugs,

Still the Birthday Girl

Aglio Olio with tiger prawns - YUM!

Dinner @ Brown Sugar

Gen & Jules (PP)

Drew's cake

Location: office
Current Condition: content
Music: faithfully

Friday 31 August 2007

2007-09-03T23:13:00.001+08:00

The boyfriend already told me that he was planning a whole day out in honour of my birthday on Sunday. He'd already taken leave and made arrangements to ensure that nothing would stand in the way of our day. I was sceptical cos his office is always calling him at ridiculous hours but nonetheless, I was pretty excited too.

The boyfriend is stolid and pragmatic and not given to high bouts of imagination so I was really cracking my brains to figure out what he had planned.

We had a late start cos I was on a web conversation with a business contact in China. Yes, I had to eat my words after all cos his office didn't even call him once.

When we got to the car, the boyfriend reached into the back seat and casually handed me a copy of Mort and said that it was my birthday present. No, it wasn't wrapped or anything but I'm used to him. Anyway I love Terry Pratchett so I was really pleased with the gift.

Then he told me that there were 5 surprises in store and that was the 1st of them! We had a hurried lunch at Macs cos we were apparently running late for the 2nd surprise. He told me that I should eat up cos it would be 2 hrs before I could leave the place, but I was too engrossed in Mort to do more than munch on his fries.

Anyway, we were driving towards Upp Thomson when he swerved into Sin Min Tower. I was still scratching my head, thinking that he was heading to our mechanic when he pulled up outside a beauty spa.

OMG! He got me an afternoon's worth of beauty pampering at Eden's Loft.

It's this really quaint place where the entire lower floor is for beauty treatments and the mezzanine level is for shopping and lounging around. Esther (the boyfriend's designer) owns the place and she very generously blocked off the entire afternoon for my use. I had 3 hours of personalised attention from two very sweet ladies who patiently manicured, pedicured and massaged me to within an inch of my life. It was pure heaven. I chatted with them, read Mort, fell asleep during the massage and thru'out it all, the boyfriend sat by, playing NFS on his new PSP (that's my birthday gift to him), and smiling indulgently at me every now and then.

I was even nail art-ed, compliments of Esther!

And while I was waiting for the polish to dry, how could I have resisted some shopping? The mezzanine level is not very big and most of the clothes and footware are one-of-a-kind items. They even sell the sweetest baby clothes; empire dresses with puffed sleeves and tiny roses on the hem.

I got a shimmery gold-ish top and I really loved the jeans with a lace hem along the waistband but I didn't want to spend too much in one go.

Just to divert from the topic at hand a little, Eden's Loft is a fabulous place to hang with your girlfriends. The ladies are really sweet and the service is excellent. On top of that, the decor reminds me of an English countryhouse (think Fosters) and I simply love love love the fact that there is a level dedicated to shopping! It's great that you don't have to sit there with your toes under the fan, pretending to re-read an article just to avoid the manicurist's gaze in case she tries to coerce you into buying another package. The spa rooms remind me of Senze Salus, with the little jacuzzi baths and showers hidden behind a wooden shutter. The beds are heated which means that you don't have to shiver when you first undress. The heat gets a little uncomfortable towards the end, but I was already on my way to dreamland so it didn't really bother me too much. It's not a huge place, but it's perfect to host a girlie tea party and treat your closest 10 pals to an afternoon of bliss.

After that 2nd treat, I was already kissing the boyfriend non-stop and gushing about how sweet he was, when again, like a magician, he pulled out two boxes from the boot.

He'd gotten me the new Samsung cell phone (I still haven't found out what model it is) and a bluetooth system! And the nicest part is, he'd charged the phone the night before so I could transfer my SIM card over and use it immediately!

And the sweet boy actually planned for a short break time during which we went back to his place, lazed on the bed for a while (I read Mort, he played with his PSP) before showering and heading out for dinner.

The dinner venue was a surprise too, so I had no idea where we were heading to. I thought we'd passed Victoria Street twice and suspected the boyfriend was lost. (Much later on, he admitted that he was - perfect opening to convince me to buy that new Nokia navigator phone for him) Anyway, when we pulled up at CHIJMES, I thought we were eating at Hog's Breath because I used to go on so much about how I used to eat there back in Brisbane and we have never eaten it in Singapore, simply because I think the prices are ridiculous.

But, the boyfriend wrangled a reservation at the exclusive Sun Japanese Dining through a media contact. Apparently, it's almost impossible to get a booking on a Friday night at such short notice...?

The venue was chosen because I said that I have never eaten one of those huge sashimi boats which you'd see in TV shows. So that night, I had my very own Aburi bowl (boat was too big for just 2 of us). Between us, we also polished off two mains - lamb chops and the beef with foie gras Kamameshi. The succulent lamb chops were grilled to perfection and served with a light and crispy coating, while the kamameshi had a robust flavour with the tender beef and the melt-in-mouth foie gras coming together wonderfully.

We practically rolled out of the restaurant, after the cam-whore in me got the receptionist to take a picture of us. Not a good one by the way, we both looked bloated and dreamy after the feasting.

So that was 4 surprises and as the boyfriend took the route home, I was wondering what was the 5th and remaining surprise. It turned out that the boyfriend had planned a cosy night in for the two of us.

The Moscato was chilling nicely in the fridge and we popped by a 7-11 to get a pint of Ben & Jerry's and some peanuts. Plus, a Norbit DVD was waiting for me to rip off its cellophane and plonk it into the DVD player.

Unfortunately, I was feeling a little sleepy after the fantastic meal, so we decided to skip the DVD and chill with the wine. It was good quality time, with him telling me how he had planned the whole day and me gushing non-stop about what a wonderful time I had and how happy I was.

And honestly, as far as I can remember, it was a lovely day for both of us. We spent some amazing quality time together; it was a relaxing and fun day and the boyfriend has proved to be a capable event planner and more importantly, a wonderful caring partner whom I would gladly donate half of any organ to.

Don't get me wrong, it's not cos of the pampering or the wonderful presents. It's cos every single surprise was given a lot of thought to. He made sure that I got the book first so that I could read at the spa and he charged the phone so that I could use it. He even knew that I would want to freshen up before dinner and included some rest time in between. We have become so busy that we may have misplaced that "loving feeling" for a while. And I was getting quite worried that it was gone forever. But this day has shown me that we might have forgotten it during our daily struggles, but we would never lose it completely.

The entire day reminded me of this Daniel Bedingfield song:

Well make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

So baby, thank you for an amazing birthday celebration! It doesn't matter if you dig your nose with your fingers, or that you shove your elbow in my face and steal the blanket every night, or that you always lose your way while driving. I love you!

And a huge thank-you to Esther and the media friend for helping to make the day so special!

Air-kisses,
The Birthday Girl

Location: home
Current Condition: deliriously happy
Music: none

My Wonderful Birthday Weekend

2007-09-03T23:10:00.001+08:00

The weekend is over and finally I have mustered enough energy to write about it!

It was a fabulous weekend, spent with family, friends and loved ones but I think I might only have enough energy to make a start on Friday... :)

Location: home
Current Condition: deliriously happy
Music: none

Tai-tais for a day

2007-08-30T19:04:00.001+08:00

I met an old JC friend for tea today. She's currently on maternity leave and I'm bumming so we pretended to be tai-tais for an afternoon. :)

I was rather surprised by her email invite cos Mandy and I were never really the closest in the group back in JC. There was about 5 of us back then, a nice mix of KC & IJ girls, and we all got along fabulously, albeit a little squabbling here and there. It was just that the group dynamics meant that Mandy and I were closer to other people than to each other. Truth be told, I was always a little intimidated by her cos she was very direct and a little sharp.

Over the years, the group drifted away, literally. Diane settled down in Melbourne, as did Liz in Perth, with their other halves. Dell has been working in the States for a while now, so it's been Gen, Mandy and me left in Singapore. The three of us try to meet up, but what with our schedules and lives, we were only successful twice in the past 4 years. Kinda pathetic, huh?

So when Mandy suggested that we meet up for coffee, I was surprised but yet delighted to catch up and strengthen this friendship.

We met at Menotti and has a wonderful late afternoon coffee together. We spoke about work, our lives, our other halves and almost anything. Picked up quite a few good tips about organising a wedding from her as well! It was a very pleasant afternoon and I was almost regretful when it was time to leave.

I guess we never really had the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk, so it was really good to hear what she felt about work, the rat race we find ourselves constantly in, etc. Back in JC, I would never have thought that Mandy and I felt the same about so many things. The thing which really struck me was when she asked if we would ever become working tai-tais and meet each other for tea in the middle of a working day while our subordinates slogged back in the office. I really understood her on that one - man, that would be sheer bliss!

Sadly enough, we might only get to catch up again in Oct when Dell comes back, because Mandy is starting work again next week and with 2 kids, she pretty much has her hands full to meet up after work.

I'm really glad though that we had this afternoon together.

And I simply have to add this: for a working mother of 2 kids, Mandy looks amazing. Wonderful figure, clear skin, bright smile, great hair... I have no idea how she does it but va-va-voom, that's my Yummy Mummy girlfriend!

Location: office
Current Condition: adventurous

Music: none

The Main Man in My Life

2007-08-28T12:00:00.001+08:00

Jon got back this morning with the first draft of Dad's invite cards and WOW! Wow oh wow oh wow!! It looks absolutely fabulous! I only gave him the text and said, "Please make it look nice and elegant" (Yes, that's me, the articulate wordsmith) and he did such an impressive job.

Jon is really talented at what he does. He always tells me that he is a Hokkien ah beng at heart and he may not look like the boss of a creative company, with his playful nature and his peroxide blonde hair but put that man in front of a computer and his fingers just creates magic. The best part is, I'm sure he took all of 10 mins to design the card.

A big thanks to my brother Jon, who has offered to do this for nothing just for me. Steady bom pe pe!

My dad's 50th birthday is coming up and my mum wanted to throw him a party so we have been discussing this for a while now. We wanted to hold it in a restaurant or a hotel at first but my dad told us that he wanted something more relaxed, where he and his friends could chill, have a couple of beers and smokes. So in the end, he got an chalet instead and that put an end to our protests. Well, it's his party anyway.

My mum as usual, has managed to off-load most of the coordination to me. She reasons that it's my line of work anyway. Great thinking, Mum! So I've been liaising with the caterers, the wine suppliers, the glassware guys, as well as arranging the invite cards (design & print), hiring the bartender, and managing the budget. My mum is in charge of beer and cake. My brother is ... hmmm, doing nothing. HMPH!

But the honest truth is, I am enjoying myself quite a bit. This is quite a walk in the park compared to the events I used to manage and the best thing is, it's for my dad so I'm happy to do it. I just want to gripe a bit, that's all :)

My dad is a quiet serious man who almost never laughs. Mama used to joke that if he ever opened his mouth, gold bars would fall out. He doesn't often show affection and when I was younger, I used to be so shit scared of him that I would cry if my mum left me alone with him. But as I grew older, I saw the dad who worked hard to provide us with the best he could afford. I saw him pay for my university education and he even gave me a chance to go overseas even though he was not in favour of the move. He was the one I went to with my first heartbreak and the one who would tell my mum not to be so hard on me. Growing up, I was always closer to my mum but now I would say that while I talk more to my mum, I have come to see my dad for the wonderful father and provider that he is. I feel bad that I don't spend enough time with him and I keep telling myself to, but it seems like every weekend there is always something to do. Enough excuses, it's time to make a start.

Whenever I travel for work, he will always make it a point to see me off, either to the airport or the front door at least. And in response to my usual, "Boarding plane now, see you guys later!" text message, he will always reply, "Take care of yourself. Love you, dad." But I always get too emotionally constipated to return the affection.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the party, not cos it's a social gathering but because it's my way of giving back to my dad. He won't be reading this but what the heck - I love you too Dad!

Manic Monday

2007-08-27T17:21:00.001+08:00

It has been a fruitful day today. (So far, at least for a Monday)

The boyfriend and I spent the whole afternoon sorting out his accounts. His bills and statements were all over the place!! Most people have some proper filing system to keep their past bills and statements etc. The boyfriend apparently doesn't. He gets the bank to call him a week before the bills are due and tell him the payment amount! WOW!! Why hire a PA, when you can get such preferential treatment from the banks?!

Anyway the responsible, meticulous me told him off sternly for overworking the poor customer service officers. And then we sat down together, procured a ring file (green of course) and proceeded to file everything in proper order with separaters and stuff. I'm sure he is going to miss the pampering he gets from the banks, his insurance agent etc but he did admit that it's probably better this way.

Had a wonderful lunch earlier today with an ex-colleague cum present-client of mine. Drey is also one of my closest friends. Recently she has had a rough patch and over lunch, I was sharing with her what I had experienced the night before and how more peaceful I feel leaving everything to God. We spoke about the rough patch we both had and how God wants us to experience that to become stronger and wiser. It was an amazing conversation and I'm grateful to have a friend with whom I can share my religion.

Drey had some good news to share as well and I'm overjoyed that she has found new happiness in her life. She has been wrought with personal worries and work stress for so long now, and I think she really deserves a break. I'm so happy that she has found someone to take care of her and share her life with, as I have with Drew.

The ex-boss is coming over later to have a late cuppa together and I'm looking forward to that as well. He is a fantastic leader and a very close friend and I have always looked up to him as a surrogate elder brother. I think I'm very blessed to have made such wonderful friends in my previous employment; friends whom I can count on in and out of the office. We might be meeting up for a reunion of sorts this Thursday so that should be quite fun.

Afterwards, dinner with the boyfriend and HOME! I was playing HO until 4am this morning, hence I'm completely knackered right now. Am so looking forward to my soft bed and comfy pillows for an early night.

Have a fabulous week ahead!

In His Time...

2007-08-27T00:45:00.001+08:00

I know I said that I would write about Ratatouille in my next post. However, something else happened today, something so wondrous and amazing and I think it takes precedence over Ratatouille.

The boyfriend and I went for the usual sunset Mass-cum-diner after his stint at Suntec. We were done about 8.30pm and as we had 2 free GV tickets, the boyfriend suggested watching Evan Almighty. I was initially against it cos he had a long weekend with hardly any HO time but surprisingly, he was pretty insistent and rather than rain on his parade, I agreed.

I'm so glad I did.

The past month since I left my previous company has been filled with bouts of worry, anxiety and doubts. I felt that I left something secure for a shot in the dark. My new employment has been racked with a serious of bad incidents as well. The initial contract was drawn up wrongly, one of the main signatories was called away from work... hence my official first day was pushed back by 2 weeks to the beginning of Sept. We had to tighten our belts because of this. On top of this, my dad was suspected of having a heart ailment and just in general, the road ahead seemed dark and uncertain.

There were many a times when I felt that nothing was going to work out. I prayed a lot during this time, asking God for faith, strength and patience. But it just seemed that every week would bring another set of bad news and I would feel my resolve and confidence crumble again.

Last week, I received some good news that my contract was being expedited, which is why I felt much better about everything (as mentioned in my 1st post). However these past two days, my pessimism returned and I started doubting the possiblity of everything. I prayed for patience and faith again. And in that prayer, I asked God for an answer. I know that He has a greater plan for me and I should have complete faith in Him. Yet I was weak and I needed strength; I needed to know what was going on. Why all these disappointments and bad situations? What was He trying to teach me? I just wanted to know, to understand. I wanted Him to take it all away. But I didn't know how to give it up to Him.

There was no lightning bolt after that prayer, no burning bush. I felt calmer but still uneasy. I understood that it would be in His time and not mine. But I was hoping for a sign, still.

And today, through some freak reason, the boyfriend and I watched Evan Almighty, even though we don't usually watch movies on Sunday nights.

There was this scene in which God appears to Evan's wife, Joan in the form of a waiter. She tells him her troubles and why she left Evan and he tries to put things into perspective for her.

The exact quote goes like this:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

And it hit me then; right there in that cinema, I had my answer.

I have been praying for God to strengthen my faith, to give me the gifts of patience and strength. And what was I expecting? To be "zapped with warm fuzzy feelings" and suddenly walk around with a peaceful glow and know that all is right with the world? Yes, I probably was.

But instead He was teaching me how to be patient and strong, how to place my trust in Him and know that only He can make everything right for me. All the trials and tribulations, they weren't punishments or tests. He was giving me a chance to learn faith, trust, patience and strength, and He was walking through it with me every step of the way. He still is. God was never going to let me fall. How could I, when He holds my hand?

I prayed for answers and He gave them to me. Not in my time, but in His, so that the answer would not be a temporary balm to soothe my nerves but a lesson that I will take with me through life, and something for me to share with those I love most.

After the show, as the boyfriend and I were walking back to the car, he told me that he was very touched and inspired by the movie for the same reasons. The poor thing, his nerves have been shot by my worries and issues as well, and although he has been an amazing pillar of support throughout this period, I'm sure that he is just as weary.

Amazingly, we both discovered that we were feeling lighter and happier. All the way home, the atmosphere between us was very different. We were gentler to each other, sweeter than we would normally be. The conversation was more open and when we hugged goodnight at my front door, I felt that everything was going to be okay.

I'm not very religious, but I do place a lot of importance on God in my daily life. Time after time, I lose my faith but He is always there to pull me back. This won't be the last time I lose sight of God but I know I am always in His sight.

I am so blessed but I always fail to see what I have. Instead I concentrate on what I don't and I let my worldly concerns bring me down and my human nature drown out his gentle prompting. While I'm a little sad that it had to be on Dolby surround sound for me to hear His message, I'm overjoyed to be touched by Him. On top of everything else, He has given me an angel on earth to take this journey with, my boyfriend, Drew.

I'm now officially walking in faith. Praise the Lord!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mood_swing

2007-08-26T14:07:00.001+08:00

My valiant attempts at controlling my mood swings have failed me once again.

I woke up this morning feeling rather sleepy from the arduous activities the day before. Sleepy but not grumpy , mind you. Mid-way through the morning, I just felt a prickle and then I snapped at the unsuspecting boyfriend over the phone about some plans for today. I started feeling hot under the collar about nothing in particular and even killing three Stouts at Bamboo Mountain didn't do anything to soothe my frayed nerves.

So when I found myself slamming my mouse in anger when my character died at the hands of the Master who had crept up behind me, I realised that I was in the middle of a mood swing.

The thing is, I'm generally a non-confrontational person, which is why I love RPG cos I get to vent all my anger in cyber space. So I hate losing my composure, plus my own mood swings unrattle me... that is, I get moments of sobriety in the midst of them and I actually realise that I'm being childish and terribly unreasonable. But the obstinate mule somewhere in me refuses to back down, so I end up having this internal tussle about

(1) carrying on in my angry/moody/frustrated/bitchy/unreasonable/depressive state of mind because it's feels good

and,

(2) pulling myself together with a good hard slap (metaphorically speaking, that is) because no one likes to be around a snappy/spoilt/maniacal/gloomy cow and I would have to apologise later, which is something I absolutely hate to do

I have no words to describe how awful that is. I have asked around and none of my girlfriends have the same problem. They don't discover a pricking conscience in the midst of their no-holds-barred, anger-fuelled rampage. They just rear up in full female glory in the manner of "I am a woman, and I have mood swings, so hear me roar" and they let it rip. I can only imagine that must be very satisfying. The guilt does hit afterwards but apparently it's a lot easier to do a wide-eyed, "was that really me?" apology then because you've already let it all out.

Sometimes I think I'm half male.

And writing always makes things better. I forget that at times.

By the way, we did manage to catch Ratatouille last evening and it was fabulous! But I'm not going to do justice to it right now so reviews in my next mood-swing-free post.

Grovelling time now.

Saturday's Verdict

2007-08-25T18:59:00.001+08:00

7.00pm, Saturday 25 August

Today's schedule:
9.00am - 12pm: Suntec
12.30pm - 3.00pm: Office
3.30pm - 4.30pm: Page One
5.00pm - 7.00pm: Office

What I managed to complete throughout the day at the various locations, while the boyfriend was working:
(1) Leveled HO
(2) Tied up some loose ends for Dad's birthday bash
- Confirmed wine supplier
- Made an appointment with the caterers
- Revised budget
- Discussed with mum some general details
(3) Went grocery shopping and managed to get a bottle of Brown Brothers Moscato on discount (Absolutely yummy stuff!!)
(4) Shopped for 2 tops
(5) Cleared my email backlog
(6) Sorted Sept's finances

The Verdict:
It doesn't really matter what we do, as long as we get to spend some time together, and...
The boyfriend's office is very conducive on the weekends to do personal admin work in peace, albeit a bit cold.

The Bad News:
Most of the seats for Ratatouille are filled.

The Not So Bad News:
We can watch Evan Almighty instead.

** I'm pretty excited about all the planning for Dad's upcoming birthday bash. Will update in next post.

Officially off-duty now, so we are off to enjoy the rest of our Saturday in capacity of civilians. Have an awesome one!

The Lost Weekend

2007-08-25T02:24:00.001+08:00

Woe is me! The boyfriend has to work over the weekend.

We received the news when we were at Suntec earlier to view the set-up. To make things worse, he has to be present on both days!!

I was just crowing over the plans we had - movie, shopping, washing the car (ok, have to admit, I'm rather relieved about the last one), and now... KAPUT!

The worst part is, I used to work on weekends and PHs all the time, and he never had to. So when I left my job, we were sooo looking forward to all the precious weekends we were going to have before I start with the new company.

Sigh... as disappointed as I am, I know that it's worse for him cos he is the one with the burnt weekend (and he is so not used to that!!). I promised to accompany him to his various appointments tomorrow so that he won't feel so bummed out. Hooray for me though, that the last stop is going to be at Page One for some book-signing thingy. I've run out of books to read since I finished Jingo so I am definitely looking forward to stocking up on some reads.

I love The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini and he has a new book out titled A Thousand Splendid Suns, which I really really really want to get. But at $30+, I don't think it's worth it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I adore books and I love to own them rather than borrow them from the library or some second-hand bookshop. But the boyfriend and I have promised each other to cut down on extravagant items and save where we can for all our future plans so I'm trying to make good on my promise. If I wait it out, I figure that Borders will eventually slash the price down. Meanwhile, I just hope that none of my friends decide to do a book-spoiler on me.

Anyway the boyfriend has been really sweet about this whole situation; he has promised that if it's still early by the time he's done, we can catch a movie at Vivo. Ratatouille, Ratatouille!! YAY!

Updates, updates! Earlier tonight, I logged in to HO for the first time since May! Hail the queen of HO - she's back!

It's kinda crazy cos they changed the interface and the mobs are in abundance. Which is great cos leveling takes a shorter time but the screen gets so crowded that sometimes I can't target the mobs properly. I didn't feel up to taking on the Master though, so I scurried away when I saw him approaching. The boyfriend had a good laugh when he saw me doing that.

I was quite upset to find out that in my absence from the game, the boyfriend sold my +5 violet blade!! I know he had a perfectly logical reason for doing so, but that blade was just simply awesome, so I'm not even going to justify why he sold it. Yes I know, I have childish tendencies.

The gang was online as well and I have to say, I really miss Glenn and the kopi sessions at 164. I know the boyfriend does as well, probably more so than me, esp when work gets too much and he wants some male bonding time. I can't wait for Glenn and Debbie to come back for good.

Well, enough of my ramblings. It's 3am and I have to get up in 4hrs to get to Suntec. I hope the weekend can somewhat be salvaged. Wish me luck!

The Accountant...

2007-08-24T19:45:00.001+08:00

The Boyfriend, seeing that I was going out of my mind with boredom, asked me to help him out in his office for the week with some accounts matters. Naturally I said yes, because anything with a fixed schedule right now would make me feel like I'm going somewhere.

Man... I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Firstly, the files were enough to scare anyone off. Huge green ring files filled with papers onto which figures and scribblings were crammed. I believe I have developed a distinct phobia of green ring files now.

Secondly, working with the boyfriend in such close proximity had us ruffling each other's feathers every now and then. We'd reach for the same pen together, have a sudden urge to play our respective WMAs, that sort of thing. Perhaps I should see it as we are so alike and therefore extremely compatible. Yes mayhaps, but then I'm not that mature.

But every cloud has a silver lining as follows:

(1) I have never seen the boyfriend in full work mode before, and I have to admit, seeing him in such a position of authority, in full control, coaching his staff firmly but kindly... I have always respected the boyfriend but now am also filled with admiration and a sense of awe.

(2) I felt an extreme sense of satisfaction when I was done with one project file. It took me 1.5 days and I was OD-ing on coffee just to wade through the masses of paperwork. So when I finally saved and closed the file on my computer, I felt like clapping myself on the back. (That was of course, until I realised that I had 22 files more to go. The optimist in me is hoping that I will be faster at it now.)

(3) The boyfriend and I got to spend more time together (lunch, coffee break) which is something we haven't been able to do in a long long time.

(4) Getting to know his fabulous staff better!

And now, the weekend looms ahead wih great promise. We are going to catch a movie (Ratatouille), do a bit of shopping with our reward points vouchers (thank you Citibank!) and wash the car (maybe).

Have a wonderful weekend!

Growing Up

2007-08-22T19:38:00.001+08:00

This is my first foray into the world of blogging. I used to wonder what the big deal about blogging was and why people were so into it. So what changed my mind exactly? Hmmm... well I guess I have come it see it as a good way to release all that build-up tension inside my head, plus I used to love to write. Put the two together and I guess that's reason enough, isn't it?

A month back, I realised that I have reached the cross-roads of my life. I left behind a company which I spent the past 4 years pouring my sweat and tears, heart and soul into. I was about to embark on a new career, which I was extremely nervous about. I realised that I had been cruising along for a while now and I needed to get my life on a more serious track and start thinking more solidly about the future.

Hence, the boyfriend and I made an irrevocable step towards our new grown-up selves. We have put our names down for a HDB ballot.

Scary huh?

But now that things (read: my mental state) are more settled, I am actually rather excited about everything. I can't wait to start work again and give my brain cells some much-deserved exercise. Actually I made a rather sad discovery about myself when I was taking a break between jobs. I am a workaholic!! I used to bitch about the stress at work all the time, but after two days of doing absolutely nothing, I thought I was going mad. I scrubbed and cleaned the boyfriend's room, sorted his mail into neurotic piles of "Urgent", "Junk", "Bills", etc, watched Season 1, 2 & 3 of The O.C. but I still felt empty. It was then that I realised that I actually like work.

I like the hustle and bustle of the office, lunch breaks with colleagues, meeting new clients, fire-fighting and the rest of it. I even missed being on supplies duty (which basically means that it's my turn to get the office supplies, including industrial-sized toilet paper)!! So yes, I am looking forward to starting work in Sept. I know that it won't be exactly the same as before; I may not have such good friends and the clients may be nastier (or otherwise, hopefully) but I'm willing to find out.

I think I'm going to like this whole growing-up situation.