In His Time...

I know I said that I would write about Ratatouille in my next post. However, something else happened today, something so wondrous and amazing and I think it takes precedence over Ratatouille.

The boyfriend and I went for the usual sunset Mass-cum-diner after his stint at Suntec. We were done about 8.30pm and as we had 2 free GV tickets, the boyfriend suggested watching Evan Almighty. I was initially against it cos he had a long weekend with hardly any HO time but surprisingly, he was pretty insistent and rather than rain on his parade, I agreed.

I'm so glad I did.

The past month since I left my previous company has been filled with bouts of worry, anxiety and doubts. I felt that I left something secure for a shot in the dark. My new employment has been racked with a serious of bad incidents as well. The initial contract was drawn up wrongly, one of the main signatories was called away from work... hence my official first day was pushed back by 2 weeks to the beginning of Sept. We had to tighten our belts because of this. On top of this, my dad was suspected of having a heart ailment and just in general, the road ahead seemed dark and uncertain.

There were many a times when I felt that nothing was going to work out. I prayed a lot during this time, asking God for faith, strength and patience. But it just seemed that every week would bring another set of bad news and I would feel my resolve and confidence crumble again.

Last week, I received some good news that my contract was being expedited, which is why I felt much better about everything (as mentioned in my 1st post). However these past two days, my pessimism returned and I started doubting the possiblity of everything. I prayed for patience and faith again. And in that prayer, I asked God for an answer. I know that He has a greater plan for me and I should have complete faith in Him. Yet I was weak and I needed strength; I needed to know what was going on. Why all these disappointments and bad situations? What was He trying to teach me? I just wanted to know, to understand. I wanted Him to take it all away. But I didn't know how to give it up to Him.

There was no lightning bolt after that prayer, no burning bush. I felt calmer but still uneasy. I understood that it would be in His time and not mine. But I was hoping for a sign, still.

And today, through some freak reason, the boyfriend and I watched Evan Almighty, even though we don't usually watch movies on Sunday nights.

There was this scene in which God appears to Evan's wife, Joan in the form of a waiter. She tells him her troubles and why she left Evan and he tries to put things into perspective for her.

The exact quote goes like this:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

And it hit me then; right there in that cinema, I had my answer.

I have been praying for God to strengthen my faith, to give me the gifts of patience and strength. And what was I expecting? To be "zapped with warm fuzzy feelings" and suddenly walk around with a peaceful glow and know that all is right with the world? Yes, I probably was.

But instead He was teaching me how to be patient and strong, how to place my trust in Him and know that only He can make everything right for me. All the trials and tribulations, they weren't punishments or tests. He was giving me a chance to learn faith, trust, patience and strength, and He was walking through it with me every step of the way. He still is. God was never going to let me fall. How could I, when He holds my hand?

I prayed for answers and He gave them to me. Not in my time, but in His, so that the answer would not be a temporary balm to soothe my nerves but a lesson that I will take with me through life, and something for me to share with those I love most.

After the show, as the boyfriend and I were walking back to the car, he told me that he was very touched and inspired by the movie for the same reasons. The poor thing, his nerves have been shot by my worries and issues as well, and although he has been an amazing pillar of support throughout this period, I'm sure that he is just as weary.

Amazingly, we both discovered that we were feeling lighter and happier. All the way home, the atmosphere between us was very different. We were gentler to each other, sweeter than we would normally be. The conversation was more open and when we hugged goodnight at my front door, I felt that everything was going to be okay.

I'm not very religious, but I do place a lot of importance on God in my daily life. Time after time, I lose my faith but He is always there to pull me back. This won't be the last time I lose sight of God but I know I am always in His sight.

I am so blessed but I always fail to see what I have. Instead I concentrate on what I don't and I let my worldly concerns bring me down and my human nature drown out his gentle prompting. While I'm a little sad that it had to be on Dolby surround sound for me to hear His message, I'm overjoyed to be touched by Him. On top of everything else, He has given me an angel on earth to take this journey with, my boyfriend, Drew.

I'm now officially walking in faith. Praise the Lord!